PRETEND WEATHER

Maybe I should sue the NC Public School System. They gave me a heart attack yesterday and it was very much THEIR fault.

I was in my classroom, almost 2:00, awaiting the arrival of my next student, and the next thing I know, an announcement comes over the loud speaker that the County Weather Dept. had issued a tornado alert. OH MY GOD. Like a bat out of hell, I ran to the adjoining classroom and said: OKAY, I GIVE. NOW WHAT? The teacher told me what we're instructed to do in such cases. As in: go to a wall, scrunch down facing it and wait. Oh, I'll wait alright... wait to what? DIE??

As if that wasn't enough, the NEXT announcement, about 5 minutes later, said that the tornado alert had now become an impending warning. Whoa... I am SO going to die! At that point, I ran to the wall, scrunched down and began thinking: like, how long do I have stay in this position, anyway?? How much longer do I have here on earth?

Well, the answer came about 10 minutes later, when the school principal came breezing through all the classrooms, to check out everyone's response. Turns out it was a tornado DRILL! Omigod... this was a TRICK?? Good God, Almighty. Given my class is an inside room, thus has no windows, I had no clue that outside, it was actually sunny, beautiful and delightful. NO TORNADO IN SIGHT; nor any in sight within 17 states of me. How's that for a heart attack scenario?

All the OTHER teachers knew were having a drill. And, the school system knew. And, of course, the principal knew. But, me? Apparently, I was the only one left out of the loop, given I arrive an hour later than everyone else. Thus, I'm wondering if I've got a case, here. I kinda think I do. Now THERE'S a way to make some extra bucks!

My mother had always said the best way to die was to first live a fabulous long life, then have an instant heart attack, and boom, it's over. You'd die like a "lady". Frankly, I just never in my wildest dreams thought my heart attack would appear during a pretend catastrophic weather event. Exactly how lady like would THAT be?? Me, flying through the f-ing sky, screaming like a mad woman, being thrown in one direction and then the next?

Can you imagine? Just what I want... dying as I land in some prison courtyard, somewhere while the inmates are in the midst of taking their daily breather. LOOK! A LADY! GET IN LINE WHILE WE DECIDE WHAT WE WANT TO DO WITH HER. SO not cool. Thus, if you ever see me anywhere off the ground, please run and grab a safety net to save me. Preferably before the prisoners do. Thanks.