Dear Linda: What can I say? It's a Saturday night and hubby is snoring away. So, I decided to check in with 'Living with Linda', as I haven't had the time lately. YOU ARE F-ing BRILLIANT. Just turn this blog into a book and you're rich! However, money will not make you happy, as you are ALREADY the happiest person I have ever known. You get joy from the simplest things (the white flats) and perceive your life to be utterly fascinating (which indeed it is, because you love to learn). You can sleep when you want (I cannot), you can eat what you want ( I cannot) and you have someone who grocery shops for you (I most certainly cannot!). I don't ever get manicures (I can do it myself), I haven't had a housekeeper in years and my kid can be a real pain in the a$$. Maybe that's why I get Ativan on a monthly basis, NOT yearly! YOU ARE BLESSED! You are living proof that women that ROCK! Love, Sue ....one happy chick who lives in the most beautiful place on earth, with the most beautiful people on earth. It's almost ten and I'm not tired, my neck hurts, my knee hurts and there's nothing good on TV! Now, teach me how to find joy in THAT!As you can see, Sue is not only one of THE most foxy ladies you'll ever meet, but is also THE MOST DISCERNING WOMAN, EVER. Jesus... just LOOK at how she raved about my blog! Now HERE'S a friend with remarkable insight.
While in high school, it was Sue who implanted the idea that she and Claudia should go on a European Tour. My parents then figured... Well, wait a minute. Why not throw Linda into the mix, too? Boom. The 3 of us flew to New York and then off to Europe for a two month stint on THE MOST FABULOUS TRIP OF OUR LIVES. Can you imagine? 17 years old, no parents, and traveling with hob nobs the likes of the Revlon daughter, for example. Were Paris Hilton on our tour, trust me, we'd have been right there behind her, finagling our way into the hottest clubs on earth.
For now, however, I've decided to actually TAKE ON Sue's challenge. In that vein, I'll attempt to show HOW to find joy, regardless of the complaints she mentioned in her email. Besides, Sue should only KNOW what a fake I can be, pretending life is a huge bowl of cherries; when in reality, there are pee-lenty of rotty pits in my life. Believe me. Anyway... kindly read on for: MY VIEW RE: HOW TO FIND JOY FOR SUE
First of all, always go on the premise that life sucks the big one, thereby forcing you to CONSTANTLY consider jumping off the nearest cliff. That way, absolutely ANYthing that isn't sucky in life, is by immediate definition, A JOY.
Case in point: Sue's hubby is snoring. But... at least she HAS a hubby. And, one who has loved her for over 30 years! Besides, the fact that Kirk is snoring proves he (a hunk, I might add) is still breathing. See? No need to dial 911. Bingo. A Joy, if ever there was one.
Next: Yes, Sue is complaining there's nothing good on TV. Well, to me, that's a given. NONE of us can find something decent to watch BUT... I'll just damn well bet that when something good DOES come on, she's watching it on a NIFTY, HUGE, WIDE SCREEN TV, parked real cozy like in her stunning new Colorado home. MAJOR JOY, my friend. Me? I also can't find anything worthy to watch, BUT it's never any big deal since MY tv is so damn tiny, I can't even decipher the channel banner telling me what the hell station I'm viewing!
Lastly, yes, Sue's neck and knees hurt but HAVE YOU SEEN HER BODY?? Oh my God... it's fabulous!! Long legs, small waist, great breast surgery, long thick hair, looks like she's 35, etc. etc. I mean, come ON. You can't have EVERYthing. Besides, look at me. My body aches too, BUT, S^#*... TAKE A LOOK AT IT. Talk about a double whamo. Bottom line: Sue can REVEL in joy, knowing she doesn't have to sport MY body all around town! Actually, now that I think about it, that's more than mere joy for her. That's a gift from heaven. Trust me... were Sue to have been blessed with my figure, she'd have jumped off the cliff WAY before we ever went to Europe.
So... there you have it. Reasons for Sue to great feel joy. Besides, Sue apparently has no CLUE just how filled with joy I'd be, raking in tons of money from published blogs. Money not make me HAPPY?? Are you kidding me?? THAT sort of joy would almost make me consider spreading the Mother Teresa kind of happiness all OVER the friggin' world! Except, unlike Mama T, I'd be calling the fancy shmancy Ritz Carlton home. Not some secluded convent out in the desert.
First of all, always go on the premise that life sucks the big one, thereby forcing you to CONSTANTLY consider jumping off the nearest cliff. That way, absolutely ANYthing that isn't sucky in life, is by immediate definition, A JOY.
Case in point: Sue's hubby is snoring. But... at least she HAS a hubby. And, one who has loved her for over 30 years! Besides, the fact that Kirk is snoring proves he (a hunk, I might add) is still breathing. See? No need to dial 911. Bingo. A Joy, if ever there was one.
Next: Yes, Sue is complaining there's nothing good on TV. Well, to me, that's a given. NONE of us can find something decent to watch BUT... I'll just damn well bet that when something good DOES come on, she's watching it on a NIFTY, HUGE, WIDE SCREEN TV, parked real cozy like in her stunning new Colorado home. MAJOR JOY, my friend. Me? I also can't find anything worthy to watch, BUT it's never any big deal since MY tv is so damn tiny, I can't even decipher the channel banner telling me what the hell station I'm viewing!
Lastly, yes, Sue's neck and knees hurt but HAVE YOU SEEN HER BODY?? Oh my God... it's fabulous!! Long legs, small waist, great breast surgery, long thick hair, looks like she's 35, etc. etc. I mean, come ON. You can't have EVERYthing. Besides, look at me. My body aches too, BUT, S^#*... TAKE A LOOK AT IT. Talk about a double whamo. Bottom line: Sue can REVEL in joy, knowing she doesn't have to sport MY body all around town! Actually, now that I think about it, that's more than mere joy for her. That's a gift from heaven. Trust me... were Sue to have been blessed with my figure, she'd have jumped off the cliff WAY before we ever went to Europe.
So... there you have it. Reasons for Sue to great feel joy. Besides, Sue apparently has no CLUE just how filled with joy I'd be, raking in tons of money from published blogs. Money not make me HAPPY?? Are you kidding me?? THAT sort of joy would almost make me consider spreading the Mother Teresa kind of happiness all OVER the friggin' world! Except, unlike Mama T, I'd be calling the fancy shmancy Ritz Carlton home. Not some secluded convent out in the desert.
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