UP IN SMOKE

Just in case I blow up my entire house, I thought I'd better say good-bye right now. Of course I don't WANT to blow up my house, but according to the chimney sweep guy who was here yesterday, I'm not allowed to use my fireplace. Well, not unless I want to ante up $2200. WHAT?? I've got to go rob someplace? As it happens, I've been blissfully using my Buck Stove insert fireplace every winter since I've moved here. I don't rely on it for my major source of heat, but I do love using it on special winter evenings. Especially when I've got out of town company or dinner guests, maybe. And, I DEFINITELY used it during last year's ice storm which knocked out my power for three days.

Little did I know I was putting myself and/or my guests at risk all these years. According to the chimney sweep people, they can't authorize my safe usage because I... ahem... need a stainless steel chimney liner. I DO?? Since when? Well, apparently since the NC code for chimneys changed. So... the big dilemma. Do I just pretend I never had the chimney cleaned, thus never spoke to the guy who laid the code change on me? Or, do I just risk the lives of everyone who ever comes into my house?

Well... being the friendly sort, you know what? I'm going with ... risking everyone's life.

First of all, laying out over 2k is not even in the picture. Secondly, the fireplace has always worked fabulously. Thirdly, I've NEVER had a chimney fire. I've never burned down my neighbor's house. And, I have certainly never burned down my OWN house. Fourthly, as much as I love my friends, and would never want to put them in harm's way, trust me, I love myself MORE. Therefore, if I can stomach the chance of foregoing the chimney liner, then I'm figuring everyone else can, too.

Of course the true test will come tomorrow night when Linda, my oldest girlfriend, comes to visit for a week. Like me, Linda is from Miami and I can't WAIT to entertain her with the delights of a cool autumn night, up here in the Smoky Mountains. As in:lighting a fire while we sit around chit chatting, watching the beauty of dazzling flames and catching up on all sorts of gossip. Just in case, though, I'm thinking that I WILL plan ahead by telling Linda to pack up her valuables and leave them by the front door. Uh... you never know whether or not we'll ever have to make a really quick get-away out of a burning house.

Besides, we CAN'T burn to death... we've got our 40th high school reunion in a few months. And, neither of us want to walk in, donning major skin grafts.