TIMING IS EVERYTHING

I've done a lot of entertaining lately. The sit down dinner type. Candles, crystal, fancy folded napkins, etc. Not only do I love having friends over to help me laugh, but I also need the laughter, so I can sort of, but not completely, override the pain of Linda being so near the end. Anyway, I'm having company for dinner tonight... sort of, but not completely, in honor of my high school friend having bought a summer home here.

It was really crazy how I ran into her, too. I was in Atlanta Bread Co. happily munching away on a hot pannini of some sort and Claudia said to me: Hey... isn't that so and so?? I got up, ran right over, and BOOM! It was Barbara and Gary! The rest is history. The threads of who we knew, who was already living here, and the threads of who we knew still in South Florida, and what THEY were up to, were winding and winding all over the place.

In the meantime, I am hosting dinner. Only one little glitch. I have NO CLUE whether or not I told everyone the same time of arrival. Eeeks. Which only means, I may be serving dinner in shifts, for all I know. Now... yes, I COULD call everyone and reconfirm the time. But... you know what? I decided I'm going to LIVE ON THE EDGE for the evening. I'm just going to see who arrives, and when, and then BINGO. I'll know in a flash who was told what time. Uh.... I'm HOPING it's all at the same time, but time shall tell. Literally. Interesting way to entertain, don't you think?

I'm especially thrilled because, YIPPEE! We've had three straight days of constant rain. Which means: LUCKY ME... I've got 4 billion roses on my rose bushes! The MOST beautiful colors of yellow and orange you ever saw. I went out today, in between the rain drops, hence I now have, the most beautifully tucked rose into each one of the napkins. I love how this looks... the table scape is STUNNING!

I'll also love seeing everyone tonight. And, I have a feeling THEY will love having their dinner cooked. So... am now off to the kitchen, to organize the food items, and figure out what gets cooked when. After all, it IS all in the timing. Which reminds me... I have to kick all my guests out by the time BILL takes the stage. Oh... and, yes... Hillary was fabulous!

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT

I must admit... I'm easily aroused. Ooops.. wait a minute. What I mean is: I'm easily excitable. Wait... that's not it, either. What I REALLY mean is: I am easily fired up. Geez...forget about it. All I'm trying to say is I CAN'T WAIT until tonight! I've sat patiently for a year and a half already, waiting for the Democratic Convention to begin. Finally... TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT!! And let me tell you... I have HIGH hopes for this entire week. This is a convention that will go down in history for a myriad of reasons and boy, am I up for it!

Yippee. Tonight I'll hear from Michelle Obama. I PRAY she is able to get her message across with major polish and tremendous excitement. Tuesday and Wednesday we get to hear from the Clintons. Which reminds me... she had BETTER command her supporters to back the Big O! And do it with huge fanfare, too. It is SO time for them to get over it and move on. Needless to say... on Thursday HE appears!! What a night THAT'S going to be! Thrown in there somewhere, I am assuming Biden will get a chance to address the convention and that too, has me pretty damn revved up.

What's REALLY going to make me thrilled beyond belief tonight, however, is the rumor that Kennedy might speak!! OH MY GOD... talk about bringing out the stars right off the bat! Supposedly, Ted is in the building, so to speak, and if he is able, he'll be a part of the opening ceremonies. Or, so I hear. WOW. Talk about knocking one's socks off from the get go.

So, here I am, readied for all the red, white and blue festivities. The beginning of the end, as I see it. The end of crazy ass Bush. The end of McCain's crappy ride to the White House. And, the end to all my waiting. Instead, I am so hoping this is beginning of making our country great, once again. Bring on the statesmanship, respectability and integrity of running a government. Flying to Denver: $893.54. Attending the convention: $2512.84. Electing a PHENOMENAL President: PRICELESS.

LeRoy Neiman

I'm apparently an artistic genius. Much like the Neiman paintings. You've seen them before? LeRoy is a world famous artist, and has captured all KINDS of scenes from around the globe. He does events, locations, sports, celebrities, etc. etc. and is one of America's most famous artists. Plus, he gets PLENTY for his work.

IF you commission him, that is. As it happens, I commissioned MYSELF. Which you can see in the pict up above. Like it? Well, okay... so it's not everyone's cup of tea, but let me tell you... now that I've blown it up into to a laminated 2'x3' poster which is being framed as we speak... I will have above my living room couch one FABULOUS looking portrait of who else? ME!

I can't tell you how pleased I am. Especially since it cost me... instead of hundreds of thousands of dollars... approximately a mere $300. Frame included. Can you believe it?? What a genius I am TOO! Who knew?

My son was here a couple of weeks ago... he fell in love with my portrait as much as I did, so we made it our project to zip over to our friendly neighborhood blower upper and had them mount it as well. Boom. It's a great knock off kind of look for the family room wall. My biggest dilemma of course now, is: do I sign it by me or by LeRoy? Basically meaning: do I let people think I paid billions for commissioned art or do I let them in on the fact, that uh... it's a fake? Hmmm... talk about not knowing which way to go.

Oh yeah... in case you're interested... I'm tickled pink that Biden is on the ticket.

EMMA

I'm really getting into Jane Austen, lately. First of all, I love Pride and Prejudice. It's one of my favorite love stories. Second of all, I've seen a few of the film adaptations of Jane's books, and loved those, too. Third of all, there are several of her books that I have not read. And, fourth of all, I never will.

Who needs to?? I listen to her downloaded audiobooks, instead! What could better for a lazy little creep like me?? I'm so telling you... this whole new invention is right up my alley. I'm having the time of my life being read to each night at bedtime; and right now it's Jane Austen's EMMA.

It's a great little story, she's got going there, by the way. And, I love the way this little British lady narrates it. She's quick, she's easy to understand and she's easy on the ears. I've been listening to it for oh... I'd say about a week now. I fall asleep listening to it, so basically, I only get about a ten minute run on the deal before I'm way out of earshot. But, believe you me.... this new discovery of mine is the next best thing to downing a couple of Ambien ANY day.

I also love the way I have no clue how this story is going to unfold. Oh yeah... by the way, if by chance YOU happen to know... don't tell me! I like surprises. Actually, I'm kinda hoping that Emma, a self professed, happily confirmed bachelorette, finally DOES fall in love and marry some gent. Apparently, she's big on making it happen for everyone ELSE in her life, but has no interest in the concept for herself. I have a sneaky suspicion, however that Emma remains single, regardless of my wishes. I'll just have to wait and see. Ooops. I mean, hear.

What's even better for me, aside from adoring this story so far, is that no matter WHICH story I listen to, boom. Within minutes, I'm fast asleep. Even when I'm not in my own bed, too. Normally, when visiting someone, and sleeping in THEIR bed, I could toss and turn forever. Not anymore, my friend. Ten minutes?? Bingo. I'm a goner.

Which is a good thing, since I LOVE sleeping. It's right up there with some of my all time favorite hobbies. And, I'm pretty good at it, too. I'm into probably, oh... I'd say... a nice, comfy seven to eight hours of sleep a night. Which reminds me of my OTHER all time favorite hobby... NAPS! Those, I like to make into about one/one and a half hour deals. All in all, you'd almost think that I should be as exquisite as the Queen of the Nile or something. For, as the ole saying goes... every woman needs her beauty sleep. Trust me... I doing my best. With the help of EMMA, I might add.

LINDA... PART II

There's something strange going on in the neighborhood and trust me, the guys at Ghostbusters can't help me. Which is way too bad, given my best friend, Linda, sure could use it. I'm so freaked, its ridiculous.

I called her house several hours ago and things weren't going too hotsi totsi. In fact, no one even answered the phone. So, I called her brother/sister in law and they, too, couldn't talk since they were in the midst of racing over to Linda's house. Now I KNEW something was amiss. Holy ba-holy Batman. This so can't be good.

Okay... so I waited until they got there... couldn't talk yet, since they were awaiting a call from the doctor. Next thing I know, Elliot tells me everyone is off to the hospital and so now, I'm just sitting and waiting.

It doesn't really matter what the details are, for believe you me, this story will have no good ending. My heart is simply breaking. Every time I think of Linda, tears well up in my eyes, disbelieving God is making her so sick. How is it even POSSIBLE that I may loose her? Why Linda?? Of all people??

She is by far one of the most wonderful people on this earth. She has brought incredible goodness and love to everyone who's ever known her. I've never EVER heard anyone utter an unkind word about her. You can't. It'd be like trying to verbally defame a mortal angel or something. And, in this case, the angel is my dearest, oldest girlfriend. Jesus... I don't even think either of us had even had our very first high school date when first we met. That was 44 years ago.

I went to visit Linda about six weeks ago. THANK GOD. It was just before she was to undergo this most recent set of protocols. I was with her for about a week, and during that week, in spite of her being sick and seeing doctors and processing the directives, we had, per usual, days of laughter, fun, shopping, girlie chit chat and everything else best friends can share. We had manicures and we ate fabulous food. I knew even then, that I'd never recover, should I ever not be able to speak to Linda again.

Which surprises me, too. Because, I've already lost some of the most important people in my life. Their loss has brought me tremendous sadness, indeed. But now... just the thought of not having Linda around, for some inexplicable reason, makes me ache like nothing else I can possibly imagine. I just can't explain it. I hate the idea of how she's suffering and how hard she's fighting. I hate the idea that her family has to deal with watching her feel like shit. Mostly, I hate the idea that the best doctors possible, can't make Linda better.

I love Linda. I want Linda to be better for ever and ever. I want everyone who loves her to be able to smile again. Above all, I want God to create a miracle for all of us.

I want to play Miriam Makeba's Pata Pata for her, and have the both of us sing our lungs out together. I want to see her shop in the 5-7-9 Shop while I run over to the plus sized stores. I want to drive up Granada Blvd. and right smack over to Roderigo Avenue for the umpteenth million time. I want to hear Molly call out BERnard. I want to take the bus to downtown Tampa with Linda... and I want to give her the answers on Mr. Handelsman's Spanish tests. I want to talk about how she fell in love with Elliot and then gab for hours all about our kids. I want to see the two of us walk down the aisle in both our weddings again. Or attend our son's Bar Mitzvahs. I want to hear her giggle like crazy and tell me: Linda, only to YOU could that ever happen! I want the two of us to bitch and complain and tell each other secrets we swore to others we'd never repeat. I want Linda to come back to NC and hang around my house. I want to eat her chicken francaise. And her eggplant, too. Man, there are just a million things I STILL want to do with Linda.

What I don't want to do, is loose Linda. Ever. What I think I WILL go do is decide whether or not I should eat a piece of chocolate cake or a dish of chocolate ice cream. Now THAT Linda would understand in a heartbeat.

WORTH THE TRIP

I just came back from a short little car trip. Well, it's short if YOU'RE not driving. If it's ME driving, then of course, it seems like DAYS.

I did a four and a half to five hour drive to and from Myrtle Beach and let me tell you... by the time I arrived, I was BEAT. I always look a friggin' mess by the time I hook up the people on the other end. No wonder. Keeping up the speed and passing by all those mother load semi trucks, alone, is, in a word: nuts. I SO wished we were back in the days when the only way of transporting goods was via the railroad. Model T's and horse/buggies were the only vehicles you had to worry about. Having trucks the size of houses sharing the roads with you is so not my idea of a relaxing ride. Talk about having to stay ALERT. Oh yeah... I kinda like to speed a little bit, so that probably doesn't help matters any too much, either.

In the meantime, I naturally, had a wonderful time on this little jaunt and it was well worth the trip. The easiest part was my loading up my hang up bag and little baby suitcase. The HARDEST part was keeping track of all my high tech paraphernalia. You have no IDEA of how many things I had to keep track!

First of course, was my cell phone and charger. Then there was the digital camera and all it's accessories. It goes without saying I needed every cable hook up known to man for my iPod, so I could listen to my downloaded audio books through my car radio OR through the headsets. The list goes on and on.

THEN, within minutes of my arriving in Myrtle Beach, I determined... THAT'S IT. I'M GETTING A PORTABLE GPS SYSTEM! Immediately. Reading directions while driving to foreign lands is SO not the way I'm doing this ever again. Enter: Yet another techie toy to buy and maintain.

I'm serious. Getting TO Myrtle Beach was a basic breeze. Getting AROUND Myrtle Beach was like entering Confusion City. And trust me... the MapQuest deal was for the birds. They sort of forget to tell you: each street has like 14 names, so you never know where the hell you actually are. It also forgets to tell you all the NEW streets in the city. Which is why my host and hostess gasped when I told them, no, I don't have a GPS. Boom. We went to buy one right smack off the bat.
And, let me tell you... I am now, happily... A REAL, TRUE, HONEST TO GOD BELIEVER! This invention is WAY better than sliced bread! Who the heck KNEW? I walked in the store and told the guy... I want a GPS that ANNOUNCES RIGHT OUT LOUD everything I need to know. And, in plenty of time, too. With snappy maps/pictures included, and one that has a movie sized screen so I can see the darn thing. Basically, I wanted one which will do pretty much everything except mop my kitchen floor. Bingo. We found it within minutes. YIPPEE. I'm out of the cave man days!

And, boy am I glad! This system helped me navigate back home like in a breeze! It got me out of the crazy city WAY easier than I had gotten in to it. As if that wasn't enough, it spoke to me in plenty of time, telling me what to be prepared for, what to look out for, which way to go PLUS, it showed me excellent pictures of the path my car should be traveling. It was WELL worth the hefty price tag! Who needs a travel companion to spout the directions any more??

Bottom line? GO GET ONE OF THESE DEALS. Well, if your car doesn't alREADY have one, that is. You will love it. God knows, I do. Besides... now, I can drive to and from Timbuktu if I wanted and I am CONfident I'll arrive safe and sound. Of course, I'll have no clue what the language would be, but given my GPS... it's but a mere problem in my overall travel. Sorry running water, paper towels and indoor plumbing. I think GPS's might have one up on you.

AMELIORATE

See that word? Know what it means? I didn't. Well, not literally, anyway. I used contextual clues to figure out what they saying. But... before I looked it up, I sorta liked the word. I love the sound of it. A-MEL-IO-RATE. (by the way, for all you lexicographers out there we say it: a-meal-yo-rate) Plus, I love 4 and/or 5 syllable words, anyway. At first I thought it meant: to diminish trouble. Turns out, it means: to make better, or to improve. Which I guess, in a way, is sort of the same thing.

Anyway, I love people with amazing vocabularies. And hopefully, I understand what they're saying with their million dollar words. Case in point. I would be ever so impressed with someone who, let's say, said to me: My feeling was merely visceral, yet it proves once again, to always pay heed to your inner voice. Me?? Oh, I could express the same thought, alright. But... wanna here how?? Get this... something like: Man, I could just feel it in my gut, so boom. I went with it. Uh... big difference, huh? The OTHER person sounds so filled with intellect. I, on the other hand, sound like a baby doofus.

Given my love for words and ability to express thoughts, perhaps that's why I love crossword puzzles. BUT... don't get me wrong. I would NEVER do the harder than hell puzzles my mother always did. Trust me... I want it to be FUN. Not a second job. So, unlike Mom, I always do the baby, easy as 1-2-3 sort of puzzles. Like, why would I want to waste precious time trying to fill in words I never even heard before? Or have no clue what the F they mean? Besides, anyone who sits with the dictionary next to them, to me... misses the whole point of the puzzle solutions in the first place. We're supposed to KNOW the answers. Not research them.

Thus, I like to read the clue, know the answer right off the bat, and bingo. Write it in. YIPPEE. I'm now on an even playing field. Which I guess is why I would ONLY buy crossword puzzle books whose titles include something along the lines of: EASIEST EVER or BEGINNERS PLUS or 5 MINUTE PUZZLES or even FOR ADVANCED KIDS ONLY. That way, I can be sure that I'll know what the heck I'm doing. Naturally, these are books my Mother would NEVER have considered picking up. To me... the New York Times' puzzle is WAY outta control.

Oh yeah... I also like keeping my puzzle books... where else?... right next to my toilet. Ahem... I mean next to my lavatory. That way, I'm basically killing two birds with one stone. In fact, right now, I have about 5 books there, in my mag stand. This stock should probably last me another couple of years, I'll bet. In fact, in MY bathroom, I have the crossword books... but in the guest bathroom, I keep my Suduko books. Apparently, I like to multitask no matter WHICH bathroom I'm using.

Thus, given this entry, I'd normally end with something like: Like puzzle books? Have a stomach ache? Then, head on over to my bathrooms. I've got just what you need! Yet instead, I'm now thinking I need to end with: To those who are aficionados of mental stimulation, perpetuation of keen word skills or simply passing time deciphering inane alphabetical clues, my personal OR my guest water closet will meet all your needs concurrently and happily! Uh... unless I've run out of toilet paper.