1st TWO DON'T COUNT

Wanna guess where I am RIGHT NOW?? YIPPEE!! I'm in my new house! And, BOY is it ever beautiful! I am so telling you... I hope I get to stay here forEVER. I just can't get over the ROOM there is in here. It's FABULOUS! And... everything so far has worked like CLOCKwork. Imagine... yesterday morning, the closing was at 9:00 a.m. and by tonight, 9:00 p.m., I'M LIVING IN and computing in the lap of luxury.

Well... okay. So it's not the Taj Mahal. But trust me, it's as close as I'll ever get to it. Which actually, is not such a bad thing , given the building in India IS, after all, a mausoleum. EEKS. Regardless, it's the world's most MAGNIFICENT structure ever built, if you ask me. Uh... except for the one I just purchased 24 hours ago. Oh yeah... as way of a history lesson, let me just tell you that the most OPULENT building ever built, is in St Petersburg. Namely: THE WINTER PALACE. You know... where Nicholas and Alexandra lived? Now THAT'S what I call living. Compared to the taste of the Russian leaders, the English monarchs lived in nothing but shabby shacks.

And while my new home is far from a palace OR a shack, you can be sure this house is perfectly palatial for ME. By the way, I'm thinking of telling my doctor that in addition to my daily yoga sessions, I've now taken up walking. As in: I'm now walking three times as far to get anywhere in HERE, than in my old baby sized house. I'm telling you... forget slippers. I need major WALKING SHOES to get from room to room.

Today was the second ball buster work day, in a row. I'm sooo bushed. Tomorrow and Sunday don't look like it's going to be much better, either. But... I DO have several friends meeting me at the old house on Sunday morning to grab whatever they want, load it in their car and BOOM. Deliver it over here. I'll have great eats awaiting them, as a form of bribery and before you know it, BINGO. I'll be having my first House Party. The big, heavy furniture, etc. was moved in earlier today by a local moving company, so all in all, I'm thinking that a week from now? Will seem like I've been here for ever. Talk about good things coming to those who wait. I've waited 40 years of my adult life to get here. And trust me... the wait was worth it.

Anyway, as I often said, I've been blessed over and over again in this sparkling life of mine. And now, once again I'm enjoying yet another blessing. Which reminds me. Right after the closing, Claudia, Barbara and I came here and before I let them walk in the house, I had them share in a prayer with me, thanking God for all I have, and for all I look forward to. Including many happy, healthy times with my loving family and spectacular friends. Really... how lucky can one woman get??

CRAZED WOMAN

I now see why they identify Taurus as THE BULL. I am indeed a Taurus, usually someone who is calm, tolerant, supportive, understanding and way flexible. Yet, push just the right button and boom. I'm apparently, also a MAjor bull. And, to prove it, I WAS WILD WITH FURY this morning. And, even that, is probably understating it some. I can't beGIN to tell you what a cursing lunatic I was, all because I was simply horrified, livid AND incredulous. I couldn't beLIEVE what BellSouth was telling me!

It went down like this: I had a LONG list of everyone to call today, regarding my new home. The electric company, the satellite company, the insurance company, the phone company, the gas company, etc. etc. The list went on and on. I spoke with all of the above, but had yet to contact the last five companies on my list. Seriously... HOW COULD I?? I was WAY too out of my mind! Which leads to the question: Okay. I give. What the hell happened, Linda??

Okay... so there I was, psyched and determined to get all this phone crap taken care of, basically wasting a lot of practical work time, contacting whomever needed contacting. I took care of alot of the phone calls, and all was going down pretty well, actually. Uh... until I got to BellSouth, that is.

No problem... they could easily transfer my service and I could even keep my same phone numbers. So, moving right along, we then addressed my DSL Fast Access account. It was at that point that I turned into an ugly bull, ready to charge, all fired up... almost like a raving LUNatic, I might add. Get this... the hotsy totsy neighborhood to which I'm moving?? IT DOESN'T HAVE DSL LINES!! WHAT????? NO BELLSOUTH FAST ACCESS?? ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME??? THAT'S LIKE TELLING ME THE SUBDIVISION HAS NO PLUMBING, FOR GOD SAKES!! I have to do DIAL UP?? There is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY this could be POSSIBLE!!

Uh... guess again. I was horrified. I was also aghast, speechless, shocked and rattled, all rolled into one. Most of all, I was angry!! Enter:THE BULL. That DLS lines are not already in place for my new address is simply unHEARD of!!

Wow. Am I EVER glad you didn't see me during these A.M. discussions. I just couldn't believe it. WHAT THE F WAS I GOING TO DO, NOW??? Freak out, that's what! Bitch and complain, too. And, speak to every supervisor the company employs. Man, I was on fire. I would have been so embarrassed should anyone have had seen/heard me. You'd have thought the entire world had turned upside down. Well, actually, MY world, anyway. My online world, for sure! What the hell is wrong with BellSouth, anyway?? Okay.Okay. So no one died and everyone I love is happy and in good health. My house didn't burn to the ground... nor did anything dramatically tragic occur.

But STILL!! Jesus... want to guess how long it took me to calm down?? Think: HOURS!! I am so telling you... I'm almost SURE this dilema took DAYS off my length of lifetime possibilities. Forget the fact that smoking could take off years. This lack of DSL bit is having WAY more negative effect on my life extention, if you ask me. Well, sort of. Anyway, it seems that I'll have to go another route for fast internet service, given BellSouth has no CLUE when they'll ever get around to setting up any sort of speedy service. S#%^. This is craaaaazy.

So.. solution?? God only knows. My next call has GOT to be to the satellite company, so maybe, THEY can beam me down some acceptable access. If not... it was absolutely wonderful knowing you... given I'll definitely toy with shooting myself some time soon. Or, at the very least, buying a flashy red cape for my entry into some crazy ass bull ring.

The OTHER Linda

It was a year ago that my oldest girlfriend, Linda, came to visit. It was the first time she had been in my home here, in NC, since I had left South Florida 5 years earlier. Granted, we had seen each other during those five years, but it was never here at home. I had been so excited about her visit and about being able to show her the autumn leaves, the cool weather, etc. I couldn't wait to spend hours and days just hanging out, talking about everything, dining on great food as well as on crappy food. I was going to be able to introduce her to all my new friends and I KNEW we were going to have a great time.

And, we did... It was a fabulous visit. About a month after Linda left, I became a blond. Bear in mind that Linda has known me since each of us were a mere 15 years old. Thus, she has seen every "look" I've ever sported. Which is why it shocked me last night, when we were on the phone, and she told me she hasn't even seen so much as a PICTURE of me, since my having gone glam. HUH?? How could that BE?? Therefore, I immediately told her to go to the computer, log on to this blog and boom! She'll see me. Get this... she didn't even KNOW about the blog! It's incredible! Again, I was stunned at the news. So... she went to her computer, I went to mine, we both brought up the site and BINGO. We were both looking at the blog ... she in South Florida and me in the Smoky Mountains... as well as reading together, all my favorite entries. She was laughing hysterically and actually, I too, was having pretty damn good laughs, myself.

Which is a good thing. Two years ago, Linda was diagnosed with melanoma. That Linda should fall prey to this disease was beyond my comprehension. That she, of ALLLL the people in the world to be diagnosed with a serious, sometimes life threatening disease, was simply unimaginable. ME?? I qualify for every crazy ass medical problem known to man, given I rarely do anything particularly healthy. BUT, LINDA?? She lives a WAY healthier life than I EVER could. Thus... how could it be SHE who gets sick, instead of some shlub like me, who breaks every F-ing rule in the Book of Good Medicine and Healthy Living?? Sweet, precious, hardworking, devoted, innocent LINDA??? Man... talk about the wrong table being turned.

Thankfully, after two years of horrible treatments, Linda was so much better. She worked HARD for it, though and even today, she seldom feels as great as she used to. Which is why I was filled with sheer JOY at hearing her giggle with such gusto. Especially since she had just told me about needing a new PET scan and MRI. Don't ask. I could go on and on telling you about Linda, but it wouldn't matter. You'd still never know how much she means to me. I WILL tell you however, that as soon as her tests are over, I'm treating her to a return trip to NC... this time in my new house! Again, I'll ask her to make her fabulous chicken francaise. I might even throw in a request for her eggplant parmesan too, just for good measure. I'll even be able to shop with her... now BOTH of us in the Misses Department. Since, as petite Linda knows... I was ALWAYS in the Specialty Department. God, I PRAY she'll be fine. This world deserves having her happy and healthy. Besides, I need to have her around. Who ELSE would know my entire life since I was a young teen???

BILL OF FARE

See this receipt? See what I ordered? Do me a favor. Go order it for yourself. QUICKLY! You will thank me profusely. I can not TELL you how absolutely delicious this meal was! This was by far the most delicious meal I've had in AGES and believe me. I've had some damn good meals in the past month. This one was an A++.

As it happens, Susan and I went to Linens N Things. She needed to make a return and I needed to check out some new linens that I might want for my new house. Actually, I needed to check out bed skirts. Uh... $489.00 later I had it. Along with a BUNCH of other things, too. I bought BEAUTIFUL linens for the bed and fabulous matching bathroom towels AND stunning sheers to match the color schemes. I even bought a really beautifully upholstered circular makeup chair with fabric to the floor so that I can sit in style while I make myself... ahem... gorgeous? I just can't WAIT to put my bedroom/bathroom together. I'm thinking: it's going to look spiffy as hell!

In the meantime, an hour and a half later, I was ready to walk out the door. We loaded up the car with my zillions of purchases, and decided we'd drive across the street to grab some Thai food. Problem: the place didn't open for another hour yet. Which is what brought us down a couple of doors, to Carrabba's. A favorite place, for sure. We walked in, ordered an early dinner and bingo. We were in food heaven. Our waitress was Zora, who deserved a major raise, considering she was VERY patient as I created myself, the exact topping I wanted for my pasta. After all... just because it's not on the menu doesn't mean I can't REALLY have exactly what I want.

Anyway, I am so telling you... this dinner was outstanding! I brought about half of it home, so as I see it, I can YET AGAIN enjoy it just as much the second time around as I did the first. Like maybe at midnight tonight? As in: my midnight feeding?? Kind of like babies, now that I think about it. Hey. THEY sleep through the night on a full stomach. Why shouldn't I???

So... my best advice? Check out the Carrabba's in your town and replicate this order. Your belly will be ever so grateful. Even at midnight.

FEAST OR FAMINE

I never used to like Thanksgiving dinners much. It was basically, my least favorite holiday. The turkey was no great sell. The cranberry molds were fair. Even the sweet potatoes never held any particular interest for me. Granted... the pecan and pumpkin pies caught my attention with a big bang, but regardless, I would never have considered Thanksgiving my favorite meal.

Well, not until 1986, that is. THAT Thanksgiving, I was lying in a hospital room, having had... get this... TWO hysterectomies. Don't ask. It was crazy. I had entered the hospital while Halloween decorations were being put up. By the time I left, confetti, the New Year's baby and Father Time were covering the walls.

My family was pretty upset about the whole ordeal thus they pretended to have as much fun as they could, while gathered at Claudia's, downing the traditional Thanksgiving meal. My OWN particular feast that year was basically that of being fed two separate antibiotics, dripping intravenously 24/7 into my body, which just happened to also have tubes stuck in every available orifice of my body. I was like a woman entwined in every flexible plastic known to man. I was also sporting about 20 staples encrusted across my entire abdomen. And, I might add... was in HOLY BA-HOLY PAIN!

Thus, for the first time EVER, while pain killers and medicine were my only foodstuffs that year, ALL OF A SUDDEN, OUT OF THE CLEAR BLUE SKY, it struck me that I was DYING! Not from being so sick, mind you. Dying from the mammoth, first in a life time, absolutely MAjor craving for A THANKSGIVING MEAL! I couldn't believe it! BOOM! I was going out of my mind, WISHing I could have stuffing, cranberry mold, sweet potatoes with marshmallows and even white turkey breast! OH MY GOD. This was an incredible, completely unexpected phenomenon. There I was... unable to even imagine my making it through the night and BINGO! In the flash of a second, Thanksgiving became my all time favorite feast of choice. WHO KNEW?? Talk about not wanting what you've got until you can't get it at all!

Which is why, THIS year, over 20 years from that startling Thanksgiving night in room 302 in South Miami Hospital, I can't WAIT for dinner tomorrow night! I'm going to love every F-ing MORSEL of the foods I eat, and trust me... I'll eat PLENTY. I'll be a regular Pilgrim AND Squanto by the time the night is over. I NEED SOME MORE APPLE CIDER, PLEASE. PASS THE SQUASH. HEY! WHERE'S THE VENISON??

Not only will I be savoring all the foods of the holiday but I'll also be thankful for all the many blessings in my life. God has been good to me, indeed, and I can only hope you TOO will be able to count as many blessings as I. I also that you'll be as thankful as I for how wonderful life has become. Therefore... Enjoy your family. Enjoy your friends. Most of all, enjoy the Feast! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

BIGGER AND BETTER

You know how I always mention the fact that I live in a baby sized house? Well, get this... in the words of George Jefferson... I'M MOVING ON UP! To a brand NEW house. Much BIGger, too!. And, I'll even be the very first resident to ever actually live in this new home. Talk about excited! I can't even believe it.

Trust me... I love where I live now. It's in beautiful surroundings. It's located in a perfect part of town. It's certainly comfortable. BUT... no doubt about it. It's DEFINITELY baby sized. Only two bedrooms, small closets, baby outdoor decks, etc. etc. This NEW house has MUCH more space. Which now that I think about it, is both good AND bad. Good that I'll be able to sprawl out in a kinda spacious surrounding. But bad because, I'll have to actually FURNISH said spaciousness. EEEKS. Furnishings cost uh... money, don't they?? Oops. That could be a problem. But one I guess I can overcome.

Speaking of furnishing, I was recently looking at new TV's. WOW. They're big! Shows you just how long it's been since I've been shopping for updated electronics. Flat Panel. HDTV. 1080p. HUH?? Do I even know what this is all about?? Lordy... my kid better get here soon, given I apparently need a whole new kind of education just so I'll be able to become a major couch potato, and yet do it in STYLE. Believe me... I can't WAIT to call the phone company, the satellite TV company, even the computer guru's company to get all the techie stuff up and running. I just KNOW I'll run into red tape up the kazoo. This kind of re-establishment of services at a new location is basically BEGGING for trouble. Has got UNFORESEEN PROBLEMS written all over it, if you ask me. But again... something I guess I can overcome.

For now, however... I'm happily bouncing back to the burbs and am hoping it'll be as wonderful as I'm expecting it to be. It'll be great to FINALLY view all my clothing, dishes, cooking utensils, etc... properly organized and comfortably stored... all in a manageable, designated place... and thus easily SEE what I have in one easy glance. After all, the sooner that happens, the sooner I can then create a total crazy ass mess in which I will be able to find absolutely nothing. Care to guess just how long I'll be searching for everyday items, trying to reMEMber where the hell their new storage place is??? Think: MONTHS!

Bottom line to all this?? Call me at the same number. Email me at the same address. But for heaven sakes... VISit me at the new home!

MR. AND MRS.

I THOUGHT I had an entry awaiting my tweaking, somewhere on my computer, but gee... what a surprise. I can't find it! I seem to be spending a lot of time lately trying to find all SORTS of things... my brain is either completely overwhelmed or completely fried. Take your pick.

Regardless, I've been thinking lately that I am SO DAMN GLAD I never married a gent with a last name of PETERSON. Apparently Peterson men kinda like to do in their wives. First was Scott, who decided he simply had had enough. Uh... divorce never seemed a reasonable option for ole Scottie. Instead, he much preferred killing his pregnant wife, wrapping her up in lots of plastic and then dumping her in a huge lake. What the F was this guy THINKing????? I happen to have a pretty good handle on this sicko, since I watched his entire trial on Court TV and by the way... never ONCE did he show any sort of emotion let alone true sadness at Lacey's demise.

Okay... so now, we have yet ANOTHER Peterson... Drew... who ALSO decided that divorce was not an option. True... he's just recently become a suspect, but my money is on the fact that his 4th wife, Stacey, was somehow DEFinitely done in by her sweet, lovable, innocent hubby. Choke, gasp, cough. Oh yeah... this Drew guy? He didn't even find it necessary to become a part of a search team given HIS thought is that Stacey merely ran away with another man. Plueeeeeeeeze.

By the way... Drew's third wife??? Get this... SHE DIED. Uh... geez... I wonder how and by whom. Which leads me to this bit of advice to everyone and anyone I know. PLEASE try not to fall in love with a PETERSON. Somehow it's becoming bad luck. I'm sure you know of that old saying which talks about how things happen in threes. DON'T BECOME A THIRD, if you please. It would freak me out TOTALLY if God forbid another Peterson bumped you off.

Of course I have no clue how many Mr. Smith's, Wilson's, Miller's etc. do in their wives, but would be mighty interested in learning. If ever I find out, I'm SO keeping away from any name whose statistics just don't sit well with me. Believe me... I'm more than happy to fall in love with a wonderful man. I'm just not willing to be killed by him. Go figure.

MUSIC TO MY EARS

I have a zillion hobbies. And, the reason I think I enjoy them so much is because almost all of them can be done right smack in the comfort of my own home. Which means... I don't even have to get DRESSED to enjoy my favorite downtime activities. Who could ask for more than THAT? I am not into collecting bottle caps. I am not into birdwatching. And I'm CERTAINLY not into anything that could possibly cause perspiration.

Which is why I'm crazy about sewing, painting, photography, computing, writing, music, reading, and of course the ever popular... NAPPING. Oh... I almost forgot... I also love learning about monarchies and dynasties. Anyway, the point is: I am perfectly capable of entertaining myself in all sorts of happy ways. Well, guess what. I've just added a whole NEW way of keeping a smile on my face and pleasure in my heart. Get this...

I am now spending some absolutely fabulous downtime watching incredible music videos on YouTube! ITS SO TREMENDOUS. At almost any given moment, I can attend a full blown concert right in the confines of my very own computer room! It's really great. For example, just a few minutes ago, I watched the Pointer Sisters perform JUMP, Elvis Presley sing AMAZING GRACE, Mick Jagger belt out START ME UP and Elton John get a crowd all starry eyed with CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT. I am so telling you... this Residential Concert Going invention is the BEST. Have a favorite singer? Bingo. Go to the site, type in their name and the song you want to hear and WHAMO. You're at a concert. Or, at the very least watching them record the tune. You can even see the original video, shown on television. Kinda like your private MTV programming or something.

As a matter of fact... here: For you musical pleasure, I'll even supply you with my personal suggested line up for first time viewers. I love them all... but, the first two I love most of all since they're amongst my all time favorite songs ever. Well, that along with about 249 others.

1.YouTube - Tina Turner - Simply The Best (Divas Live 1999) or
YouTube - Tina Turner " Simply The Best "
2.YouTube - Ivory Joe Hunter - Since I met you baby
3.YouTube - Janis Joplin - Me and Bobby Mc Gee
4.YouTube - The Police - Every Breath You Take
5.YouTube - Elton John & George Michael -Don't let the sun go down on me

Trust me... these 5 should definitely be included in YOUR Top Ten lineup, too. Naturally, YouTube also lets you watch reruns of your favorite TV show or any missed news clips. You can even see the latest crap that young, blond, female celebrities are up to, lest you forgot what complete idiots they are. But... I think my vote is going to go with the music deals. I am wild for live rock concerts thus I DEFinitely get a real kick out of viewing my all time favorites with the click of a button. Of course you miss out on the inviting odor of the major heavy Thai Stick filling the auditorium, but hey. You can't have EVERYthing.