BREAKFAST FOR A KING

Ever hear of the saying: Eat breakfast like a King, lunch like a Queen, and dinner like a Pauper?? Supposedly it's the secret to not only healthy living, but also, to maintaining a really nice slim, trim, girlish kind of figure.

As you know however... I myself, almost never follow that little adage. Oh... when having breakfast out, believe me, I dine like a King, alright. Slight glitch though... I also dine like a King at pretty much every OTHER meal I eat out, too. I know. I'm too regal for my own good. Anyway...

Okay. So last month I was visiting my son in Florida. Uh... we had to make a run to emergency room at midnight, am sorry to say... but that's a story for another time. After spending about five hours there, we left, then deciding we were hungry. Enter: a VERY early morning breakfast. In a Denny's type restaurant.

We were the only people in the place at that hour, and happily, the menu had all my requirements for a delicious breakfast. One blueberry pancake, two scrambled eggs, grits and two sausages. OMG. I ALMOST FLIPPED WHEN THEY BROUGHT OUT MY MEAL.

Granted, this was the meal for a King, but are you KIDDING ME?? It was WAY more like a meal for the COURT JESTER! Just LOOK at my sausage link!! Is this a JOKE??? THIS WAS MY FOOD?? I was STUNNED! So much so, that THANKFULLY, I had my camera in my purse and captured this shot forEVER! Have YOU ever had sausage looking like this??

Is it just ME or do you, too, see something really crazy ass about this sausage?? It's amazingly unbelievable, DON'T YOU THINK? I mean, serIously... when the cook plated up this dish, did he/she not SEE what was going on?? Oh man... talk about doing a double take!

Bottom line: DO I OR DON'T I even eat this deal?? EEEKS. It was a major dilemma, trust me. It's like would I ever eat one of those chocolate pornographic lollipops?? Wow. Okay... so I CAN tell you, however... I loved the grits, I loved the pancake and I loved the eggs.

As to whether or not I loved the sausage... hmmmm.... I'll let YOU decide the answer. Bear in mind by the way... I walked away nice and full.  

I NEED A BIKINI

Yeah, that's right. You read it correctly. I need to don my black two piece from MANY years gone by and... WEAR NOTHING ELSE. Why you ask??

Because... IT'S HOTTER THAN HELL OUTSIDE, THAT'S WHY. Am so telling you... the coooool mountain air that is supposed to be surrounding me during all the summer months... IT'S GONE. As in: FOREVER. KAPUT. GOOD BYE. SWEAT YOUR SWEET LITTLE ASS OFF, EVERYONE.

We ain't NEVER going to see cool summer breezes here again, trust me. I remember well, my mother telling me years ago... OH... I AM SO SORRY... BUT, WE'RE OBVIOUSLY HAVING SUCH UNSEASONABLY HOT WEATHER THIS SUMMER. Oh no, you're not Mom. This IS your hot summer weather. For always.

Which of course is why I need to wear a bikini everywhere I go. Actually, I also need a huge swimming pool, like I had in Florida way back when, but that's a whole different story altogether. IT WAS A LIFE SAVER, believe you me. I used it everyday of my life for like at least 9 months out of the year, I'll bet. Which unfortunately also meant... I wore a bathing suit, too. I'm not saying I was HAPPY at having to wear one, but in the end, who the hell cared, since having to lounge in the pool on a floating raft was not even up for discussion. CRAZY ASS HOT TEMPS? Boom. Wear a bathing suit and hit the water. Ahhhh... how I loved laying on that raft, soaking in all the horrible, destructive UV rays that was TOTALLY ruining my skin. It was sheer heaven.

So... my take today is... yeah, you'd throw up seeing me in a bikini, alright... but, still... THIS SUMMER IS KILLING ME here with it's heat. Besides, just for you... I'll wear a one piece with as huge a cover up as humanly possible. But... when no one's here... hellooooooooo two piece.

The saving grace, however, to all this? The nights are basically BEAUTIFUL. Probably a 25 degree drop in temps from the day time high to night time lows. Which is good news since by evening... kiss the bikini goodbye. Hellooooo black, lacey baby doll pajamas. Well, uh... maybe.

BEST GADGET EVER

Yeah yeah yeah. Best gadgets on the market today are like what? The Kindle? The iPad? iPhone apps? Even the DVR remote control, maybe??

UH... NO.

In my book, the all time best gadget... other than paper towels, of course... are... none other than TENSION RODS!! I swear... who ever invented these deals deserves the Albert Einstein Medal of Astounding Discoveries Award. Or, something akin to that, anyway. I'm telling you... this tension rod deal is a A REMARKABLE invention! Seriously. And, one I couldn't live without.

First of all, bear in mind, I'm kind of into being a cheapo, if at all possible. Secondly, I don't need a professional decorator to tell me what I like or don't like. I already know that bit. Thirdly, have you SEEN the ready made curtain panels they have in stores lately?? Some are so STUNNING its unbelievable! Of course, none that I've bought, but that's besides the point.

Cheap or pricey... you can so do curtains yourself. Which is exactly what I did in my dining room. FINALLY. Only took me three years, granted, but who's counting. Anyway, Lauren came up to visit. I was thrilled to have her, but told her right off the bat, she is more than welcome HOWEVER... the first thing on our list of Things To Do For Linda, is to create window valances and/or curtain panels for my dining room. Am so telling you... the summer sun BLARES right smack onto my large glass dining table and during those months, you need nothing short of night goggles to have a dinner party! I'm serious. It's blinding at best. And, oh so not conducive to fine dining.

Well, worry no more my friends. YIPPEE. Lauren and I went shopping for valance fabric, placed it over cut out foam board, pinned it in back with Mickey Mouse straight pins, and bingo. Shoved the home made valances up onto the wall, so that they're able to be held in place all on it's own. SO NOT LIKE AN INTERIOR DESIGNER. But... way like the Linda School of Decorating. Believe me... a professional would get sick to their stomach looking at my method of making acceptable window treatments. I, on the other hand, glow at my creativity.

Once the valances were done, THEN it was time to concentrate on the curtains. Enter: TENSION RODS. Oh man... you can't even believe how EASY these deals are. WAY up my alley. You find the fabric you like... you slide them onto the rods... WHAMMO. Done deal. Could it BE any easier? I LOVE THIS. A perfect solution for someone who is not only sorta cheap BUT ALSO... for someone who is completely lazy. Uh... just like me.

You can catch the final product by checking out the picture up above. Granted, the picture is crappy and your ability to actually SEE all the details are even crappier. But matters not... for if you're REALLY interested in checking them out... just give me a call. Tell me when you're ready for dinner. And BINGO. I'll whip up a terrific dinner for you, to be eaten... where else?? IN MY DINING ROOM. No sun block needed. THANK YOU MR. TENSION ROD INVENTOR! You have no clue how you've saved my life. And my ability to entertain.

A FIRST BIRTHDAY

Oh man... am I ever in big trouble. After many years of having Pat as practically the most important woman in my life, boom. She and her husband decide they're going to be buying a double wide mobile home set up and MOVE. As in: LEAVE MY CITY. Also as in: OMG... WHAT DO I DO NOW???

I can't even beGIN to tell you how heartsick I am. Oh sure... I could be happy for Pat, and wish her all the best and even be thrilled she and her husband will enjoy all the glories of kinda retiring. But... uh... NO. I CAN'T. How CAN I? How can I POSSIBLY be gracious when I will no longer have my right hand man to help me with ALL the things Pat does for me?? WHAT? I have to now issue my checks MYSELF? I have to hit the grocery store MYSELF? I have to now pick up my scripts MYSELF? Are you kidding me?? As in: I ACTUALLY HAVE BECOME A NORMAL PERSON, doing all my errands MYSELF???? Oh God. Just shoot me now.

It's been about five years now that Pat has been with me and believe you me... I'm SO going to be lost without her. I'm going to miss her so much, in fact, that as soon as she said a couple weeks ago she's NEVER, in all her 63 years, ever had a birthday party, boom. I told her I'm taking her to lunch at the country club and we're going to CELEBRATE. She was actually sort of happy with that set up, too.

But what she DIDN'T know was, that as soon as she left that afternoon, I immediately got on the phone and called six other women for whom she works and I said: GUESS WHAT?? SURPRISE PARTY!! PAT! BE THERE! BYE... TALK TO YOU LATER. Whammo. The deed was done. Plans for Pat's first birthday party was underway.

I did the luncheon. Barbara ordered the cake. Wilma bought the party favors and the country club did the cooking. WHAT COULD BE BETTER??? I am so telling you... when Pat walked in and saw the girls, calling out, SUPRISE, she was definitely thrilled!! Hell, I was thrilled FOR her! Oh yeah... I also decided we should all get separate gifts, so of course Pat would have plenty to open. Thus... we ate scrumptious food, sang Happy Birthday, watched Pat blow out her candles and then open her gifts. I sorta have to tell you... we really had a FABulous time!

Awwww... a first birthday. Now who doesn't get a smile from THAT? Happy Birthday Pat!! And by the way, PLEASE DON'T GO.

BANG FOR YOUR BUCK

Get a load of these pictures! I LOVE THEM! Man, talk about time going by fast when you're having fun! EEEKS.

In the first shot, I'm nine years old. In the second shot, I'm sixty one! OMG. Can this BE?? All I can say is: some things never change! The first picture is my school picture from the 3rd or 4th grade, I guess. I know... what a dorky looking kid, if ever there was. WHAT'S WITH THE BANGS?? Someone used a ruler and snipped right smack straight across?? Whoa. I'm almost betting, by the way, this picture is the LAST one ever you'd ever see of me WITH the bangs! My sister... always. Me?? NEVER.

Which is why I'm so intrigued with these pictures. I have always WANTED to see what I'd look like in bangs once again, but nevvvvvvvver would have the nerve to take the chance of actually cutting them. Have any clue how long it would take me to GROW THEM BACK? Let alone to regret the cut in the first place?? So... what do I do?? Easy.

I BUY bangs!!

As in: clip in hair extension type deals. As in: QVC. As in: Jessica Simpson's line of hair pieces. As in: one look at these products...boom. I'm on the phone ordering! YIPPEE! GUESS WHAT?? I'VE GOT BANGS, AFTERALL! Man, do I love them, too.

So, they arrive. Took me no time at all to run to the bathroom, grab the hair brush, pull my hair back into a chignon, CLIP IN the new bangs and then... stand back and stare at the new look! How easy is THAT??? I'm so telling you... this is a product from heaven. I highly recommend you go out IMMEDIATELY and pict up one of these toys. If you're anything like me, you'll be playing with this way more than you ever did with your Barbie doll. Who, by the way DEFINITELY has bangs.

STAND TALL, SING OUT

I was watching QVC the other day and I gotta tell ya... a really great item caught my eye. Talk about living my fantasy of living as Tina Turner. As it happened, they offered up a Memorex microphone that I just couldn't pass up. Besides, it was on sale.

For those of you who've dreamt of becoming multi millionaire rock stars, this should be right up your alley. First of all the microphone has all it's features enabled simply by pressing your toe on the correct button at the bottom of the base. Want echo? No problem. Need louder? Also no problem. Think the mike should be higher... easy to adjust.

But what I REALLY love about this microphone is that right smack in front of you is a carved out spot to hold... get this... YOUR IPOD! It's sooo great. You connect your iPod into the wire, lean it up again the provided area and bingo. You're singing right along with your very own all time favorite tunes!! Granted... no words are before you, like in Karaoke, but my take is: you should ALREADY KNOW every word by heart given you loved the music enough to even download it to begin with. This toy is stupendous, trust me. In fact, the minute my kid walked in the house today, it was the first thing he noticed.

Just wait until I haul out my Lady GaGa outfits. Then he'll REALLY notice. Well, okay... my costumes will have be toned down a bit, but still... this is a great set up for all us rock wannabes. Plus... you have a choice. You can either sing straight into the microphone with no accompanying music or you can do the iPod deal. I myself would never allow my own voice to flow over the airwaves without major backup, thus I NEED the help of my iPod.

Which reminds me... I am kinda seriously thinking of getting an iPad. I think it's right up my alley, although my kid tells me forget that and instead do the iPhone. Of course, neither of which will I ever be able to figure out, but who's counting. Apparently anything beginning with the letter i is something that intrigues me. And... costs me major bucks. Apparently my mantra is: iPay.

BUYERS FROM HELL

I can't even remember whether or not I've written about these Buyers From Hell, but even if I did... they so deserve another word or two. I swear... these people are nuts. I'm like dealing with the Beverly Hillbillies, here. Jed and Granny are one thing. But, man oh man... Jethro and Ellie Mae are a whole new ball game.

When buying a home worth a million big ones, you kinda expect a certain sort of buyer. I'm not talking about dressing the part, either. Although that can't hurt. Instead, I'm talking: AT LEAST HAVING BRAINS. Geez... I am so embroiled in a soap opera here, but you know what? Out of mere curiosity, I'm sorta thinking that I'm going to follow this through just for the thrill of finding out exactly HOW brainless these characters are.

The soap opera goes sort of like this. Out of the blue, the buyers show up at the realtors office. Excellent. They then say they want to pay cash, and close in three weeks. Even better. They present the offer, I have it reviewed, I return the amended offer, EXPECTING A DEPOSIT FOR ESCROW. Uh... hello troubles. As in: massive failure. Supposedly these hillbillies came into an inheritance. Okay... so, the monies need to be wired to their bank account. Failure one. Then, I was told it will take 48 hours to clear. Failure two. Another couple of failures for the monies, and bingo I'm up to number four. Then, they drop from the face of the earth, and the realtor never hears from them again. Failure five, six and seven.

FINALLY... the Hillbillies reappear and say they're pissed at their bank thus they need CHANGE banks altogether. New bank says they'll have the check the next day. You guessed it... failure eight. No check, which of course one again, means no escrow money. As if that's not enough, THEN, the realtor was scheduled to meet with the buyers the following day, but surprise, surprise. The meeting was cancelled. The realtor gets a horrible flu virus or something.

Okay, so she can't help that. And, luckily she recovers in a day or so, so boom. New meeting is set up with Jethro and Ellie. Except get this... Jethro CATCHES THE REALTOR'S FLU!! Oh God... can you believe this????? I am so telling you... THIS IS A CRAZY ASS SOAP OPERA, IF EVER THERE WAS. Now I'm up to about failure nine, ten, eleven and twelve. Like just how many failures DOES one give before you say... Adios. Am so outta here. Good bye purchase offer, was nice knowing you.

Well, actually, I normally like to give three strikes before you're out. BUT, IN THIS CASE, the road to a sale has taken so many twists and turns, that for sheer amusement... I've decide to simply ride this out. I just can't WAIT to see what new glitches come up. Claudia is busy keeping her fingers crossed. She imagines the deal will go through. Eventually, anyway.

I on the other hand, take a whole different view. I say: no way this deal is going down. Especially when I found out the money problems stemmed from trying to get them wired from an offshore account and the IRS wanted their share of the inheritance. WHAT?? THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES ALL OF A SUDDEN, NOW KNOW ALL ABOUT LAUNDERING MONEY?? Oh my God... this IS a comedy of errors. HELLO, SHAKESPEARE??? HAVE I EVER GOT A GREAT NEW SCENE FOR YOUR PLAY. Enter: failures number thirteen and fourteen.

Oh yeah... throw in the realtor having to ante up $50 to feed the four children, the buyers' Mother FREAKING at a false listing on Zillow.com and a June wedding Ellie Mae thinks is going down in her new house. Bingo... I'm this far from glitch number twenty.

Which I decided is a nice round number to FINALLY draw the line and close out this bizarre little melodrama. Thanks Hillbillies for letting me have a starring role! Now... hand over my royalty money.

BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL

I have to admit... high school was a pretty good time for me. I had lots of friends, belonged to a sorority, fell in love for the first time, had my own private phone line, always had access to a car, attended plenty of parties and oh yeah... made pretty decent grades, if I say so myself. Well... other than Earth Science, that is.

Man, THAT was some crazy ass semester they offered up there. Velocity? Fulcrums? Inertia?? WTF does any of that have to do with makeup, shoes, hair products, clothing, making out or shopping?? Besides, it was taught by some geezer that I affectionately had to rename: Loose Balls Messler. Uh... he was old... he was a definite geek... he wore old men beige slacks... so you do the math as to how I came up with the title. Talk about a guy just begging for a rename. And... I had to stare at this guy and his package for an hour a day. Man... so not a sight a high school coed wants to see.

Yeah... so in the meantime guess who had the last laugh? Apparently he did... I barely walked away with a D in the f-ing class. But trust me... in spite of the grade, I not only walked away... I RAN. And, with JOY, no less. Right into Chemistry,  where I migh add... I had an A average. SO THERE... Mr. L.B.M.

Anyway, check out the picture up there. Okay... not such a perfect shot but WHOA... TALK ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN. Well, minus the blonde hair I now sport. Back then, I was major brunette, no gray roots and was doing the rollers bit every night so I could look spiffy has hell for the next school day. Have any clue how long its been since I wore a nice long flip like this??? One which I worked hard to not only attain but to also MAINtain?? Geez... teasing, spray, styling lotion and God only knows what else. But today?? Whole different story!!

Apparently today, all you need is a TV, a QVC channel, a fake hair product and bingo. You're back in high school all over again! For mere dollars you've got thick locks to match your present day hair color and whammo. You're ready to sit by the phone and wait for some guy from your favorite fraternity to give you a call. Let alone, ask you out. Although, I was way too much in love with Rick in those days to even consider such a thought. Regardless...

I saw this fake hair deal and knew INSTANTLY I needed this play toy. I called up, ordered it, waited for the back orders to become available and yippee. Three days ago, I became a coed once again. Okay... a coed with a wrinkling neck, sagging breasts and crapola thighs... but who's counting. I am so telling you... you have GOT to get one of these. BTW... add the fake bangs I also bought and for SURE you're in business. I even made a video to send to my three college suitemates, showing them exactly how this deal works. EASY! COMFY! AMAZING!

Oh yeah... given Rick was the only one who actually KNEW me in high school, I sent him a copy of the video, too. Which was good, considering he gave me a kind of thumbs up. Now... only one thing left to do... I SO have to make immediate plans for our high school reunion! EEKS. 44 years ago.

BECOMING SOCIAL

Oh man... I so can't believe this. It happened last week. Sitting down?? I applied for Social Security benefits!!! EEEEEEEKS. Therefore, in case any one should be in doubt, there can now be no question whatsoever... I'M OLD. Whoa. Not elderly... but old, for sure. Oh yeah... and in case anyone wonders what old and/or Social Security applicants look like... there it is. In that picture you see of me.

Of course, with all the crap going on in Washington, I have no clue just how LONG Social Security will be doling out this pittance of a payment to me, but I'm so keeping my fingers crossed. I can't figure out what I can actually pay with the baby amount of money I'm getting, but at the very least, I can either pay for electricity, cable and cell phone OR I can pay my monthly dues at the Country Club. Hmmm... there's a trade off if ever there was. And... get this. The representative from the Social Security office... GUESS WHAT HIS NAME WAS. Jerry Mathers!!! OMG... The Beaver is handling my case?? Which actually is kinda funny given The Beave was eligible for his own benefits JUST THIS MONTH.

I was talking to a friend the other day, questioning the possibility of whether or not our combined benefits would even be enough to live on. Man, am I ever in trouble. I was told no... combining would not be enough, thus can you imagine what it's going to be like if I have to live off Social Security only?? Ain't never going to happen. Heads' up to all my relatives and friends: I just may be moving in. I know... you're tickled pink, right??

Regardless, all I can say is: this was a day of infamy, if you ask me. On the other hand, neither my brother nor my best girlfriend even lived long enough to become old, so maybe applying for Social Security isn't so bad, afterall. Besides, what I'm REALLY looking forward to?? APPLYING FOR MEDICARE!! Which I also hope will be around when I'm eligible, since that too, is kinda iffy.

WORD 2099

Talk about back to the future. I am so telling you... my head is SPINNING from trying to learn Word 2007. And remember... I AM pretty damn computer/word processing literate. But THIS??? Man, they're out to kill me, here.

As it happens, I bought my newest computer in July of 2008. And, it came with Word 2003. Perfect. I had that down pat from the get go. Was way easy to deal with and I made friends with the software lickety split. However... just yesterday Mitch installed Word 2007. OMG... THIS IS NUTS. It is sooo not for people my age! Seriously, it's got to be what Word will be like in 2099! Oh yeah... and for those of you out there who will actually BE around when that version comes out... GOOD LUCK IS ALL I CAN SAY. You'll need it, trust me! On the other hand, it certainly can't be much more challenging than what 2007's version is.

Anyway, today I opened Word and was going to kinda toy around with it. See what it will and won't do type of thing. Forget it. Who knows what it will/will not do?? I can't even figure out the tool bars!! Who the hell can even create something?? It's so confusing, I can't believe the compu-world isn't up at arms. Am I the ONLY one ready to shoot myself over this?? Uh... apparently so.

A friend of mine emailed me with how they too, in the beginning, was about ready to go off the deep end, but instead, they opted for the hordes of Word tutorials on the web. So okay. I Google the tutorials. Of which there were zillions. Sure enough, there are plenty to choose from but what I REALLY wanted was a downloadable instruction manual so I could READ what I needed to learn. At my own leisure, if you catch my drift. NOTHING. I found absolutely zilch as far as locating something that I could print out. Which means: I'll be sitting at my computer reading the tutorials... not to mention the Table of Contents, alone... from now until next year. IT'S CRAZY. By the way, NEWS FLASH: friend now learned to ADORE Word 2007.

Regardless... for anyone who is only MILDY computer savvy.... heads' up, folks. YOU'RE SO OUT OF LUCK. There is no way you'll ever possibly grasp Word 2007. (I'm just filled with good news, aren't I??) Seriously though... you WILL go nuts. I actually had to Google just to find out HOW TO INSERT PAGE NUMBERS. Can you imagine??

So... hooray for all you folks who be here to see the launch of Word 2099 since by then you'll probably be able to merely speak your document into a computer. For those of us, however who are only here for another ten years, let's say... WE'RE DOOMED. Well, at least I am, anyway. NOW I have to Google: word processors for Mac. Something's telling me I'll need one. And fast. Don't even get me started on Power Point.

FINALLY

Man oh man... I can not beLIEVE how I have now finally got my blog software up and running once again! It has been AGES. Oh yeah, and by the way... it actually wasn't ME who got it working once again... it was Mitch. PURE GENIUS.

We had tried a couple months back to work out some sort of glitch, but with no luck. Yesterday however, boom. Mitch tried again and bingo he thought of something that may have been screwed up. Whammo. He hit upon the possible problem and YIPPEE he solved it. Talk about it taking little to make me happy.

In the meantime, all I can tell you is: every bleeping weekend since last December 18th... SNOW!! EVERY SINGLE ONE!! It's been like crazy here! As if I'm living in Minnesota or something! I swear... the people in Vermont have not had the winter weather I have!! And COLD?? The temps have been nuts!! Don't ask how many bucks I've laid out to have my driveway cleared. Although, trust me... I'd pay double if I had to.

Just before Christmas, given I'm a weather freak, I walked into my local weather store and befriended Paul, who is the owner. He is a MAJOR weather freak. Next thing you know, I'm walking out with some sort of weather station that tells me everything short of when my roast is to come out of the oven. In the store, Paul said it was simple to set up, no problem, etc. UH... WRONG. Mitch took one look at the station yesterday and all I know is, he spent at least a half hour hooking this deal up to my router, dealing with internet registration, setting up the outdoor wireless set and only God knows what else. My job was easy: to hand him the batteries.

Anyway, I can now tell you the digital forecast for not only today, but for the next four days as well. I can even broadcast my own weather show now! What's it going to be like three days from now?? EASY. Give me a call and I'll have all the info you could possible need.

Of course I STILL have no way to watch TV should the power go out. Which is what I REALLY need. That minor little link to the outside world will apparently allude me until I fall for BIG BUCKS and by a big deal generator. Which I will definitely consider doing anytime now. Too bad I'm so cheap.

TWENTY TEN

Okay.... so first of all, notice I apparently used the CORRECT way of labeling the new decade. Second of all, THANK GOD IT ARRIVED ALREADY. Was thrilled to kiss the past year adios. Third of all... apparently I'm living in the Antarctica and never knew it!! I swear.. this is CRAZY. As we speak, it's now 22 degrees, the high for the day, with a wind chill factor of what? About 9?? In fact, I just now checked the temps for the Arctic Circle and if I read it right... it's about -20 degrees. Uh... news flash: there isn't ALL that much difference in the temps there and here, in North Carolina! EEEKS. I live in The Tundra all of a sudden?? Holy Ba Holy. Oh yeah... the 12" of snow fall I had three weeks ago? Some is STILL laying all over my front/back yards. The scary part, if you ask me, is: OMG... IT'S ONLY THE FIRST WEEK OF JANUARY! I can't even imagine what's coming in the next three months. but, it can't be good. On the local news this afternoon, it said it was back in 1977 since we've had this many consecutive days with temps this low. In the meantime, I'm blessing my gas fireplace every minute of the day. By the way, in case anyone's interested, I thought I'd let you know that as we speak, I'm listening to Billy Joel and Elton John sing, live from their tour in Japan. Is there ANYONE better than Elton? I'll make it easy on you. The answer is uh... NO. Team him up with Billy and we're talking GREAT rock and roll, here! They're singing YOU MAY BE RIGHT this very moment. Man.. the piano keys are jumping all over the place!! So up my alley. In fact, I kinda like to pride myself on being able to decipher Billy's keys from Elton's... Elton's playing has jussst a bit more tinkling of the ivories. It's like his hands are dancing right smack upon the keyboard, in a bit of a whimsical way, thus encouraging the piano to rock us right outta of this universe. Man, how I love that. Anyway.... The bottom line is that it's a good thing the music is hot cause I'm so telling you... IT'S COLD AS S#^* RIGHT NOW. And will continue to be for quite a while longer. Hello, Electric company? Gas company?? HAPPY?? YOU'RE SO GOING TO BE RAKING IN LOADS OF EXTRA CASH THIS MONTH!! Which of course I'll be happy to throw their way since I'm DEFINITELY into being cozy and comfy.