AN EYE FOR AN EYE

I just gave myself a manicure. At least I THINK I did. The problem is: I can't really see, to be sure. Get this... about 9:00 last night, I felt something in my left eye. Naturally, I rubbed it, hoping that whatever it was, would go away. I did that a couple of times, but sadly, the eye didn't really get any better.

Then, I figured... well, maybe my eye is merely dry, which happens at times during the winter. So... I went and got my lubricating drops and popped a few in. Still no better. Then... I took a shower and really washed my eye out, rinsing and re-rinsing. Uh... still no better.

In fact, by then, it was like almost becoming a major problem. I had developed what was becoming an actual ACHE in the eye. Geez... I could begin smelling trouble right off the bat. Forget the fact that I could already see how this ache was definitely going to cut into a great night's sleep. More importantly, I'm going away for a week tomorrow, and the LAST thing I want is to go blind or be in major pain while out of town. Thus, this morning, I hopped right smack out of bed and called the doctor to see if I could be seen. Uh... I sort of wanted this eye ache mystery resolved.

Boom. I went to the doctor and sure enough... I HAVE A SCRATCH ON MY CORNEA!! Eeeks. What the hell I got in my eye, I have no clue, but I had to live the rest of today as if I could actually see, given I had so much on my TO DO LIST. And, one of those things was: give myself a manicure. Bear in mind, that in best of times, my eyeballs are getting a little iffy as I age. In times like today... well, all I can say is, I HOPE the manicure is somewhat decent. Unfortunately, I can't really be sure.

I'm pretty particular about my nails, but I have to admit... I basically won't know how my manicure went down for another four days, yet. That's when I should be healed, according to Dr. Eyeball. Until then... my nails could be a holy mess, for all I know. In which case, I might have to head out to my nearest department store and check out the latest fashion in women's gloves. Something tells me that the old fashioned up-to-the-elbow look is no longer in style. Which is too bad, given I'm way into full coverage. Including fingers that happen to be sporting crappy manicures.

HOMELAND SECURITY

I am so excited. As we speak, the security system for my house is being installed. FINALLY. I don't have to worry about being raped and/or killed. As for theft... who cares. Any robber who thinks I have major valuables worth stealing, is so barking up the wrong tree. It's my LIFE that I want protected and yippee. By late this afternoon, it'll be protected up the kazoo.

It just kills me by the way, that a person lays down a chunk of change in 2008 to purchase a brand new home and get this... THERE'S NO PREWIRING FOR A SECURITY SYSTEM! Huh?? What the hell is the builder thinking? How can that even BE? Oh... I'll tell you how that can be, given the installer just filled me in. Get this... the builders around here, apparently want the alarm companies to pre-wire their houses for FREE! Their take is: the alarm companies will make plenty of monies on the the monthly monitoring fees; thus forget about making money off the builders... make it off the residents, instead. Naturally, the security companies aren't falling for it.

Regardless, I'll let them work out their differences. I, in the meantime, will work on learning how to in fact, OPERATE my system, once it's in place. Which, I might add, is going to be no easy feat. Trust me... the false alarms to the monitoring people are going to be driving them NUTS while I get this deal down pat. I can see already, I'm going to be on a first name basis with these folks. Which is good. That way, they can call me by name when they decide to curse and yell at me for screwing up all the time. Just what I like. Not only, to be told I'm a total F^=# Up, but more to the point, you're a huge F^=# Up LINDA. Like, how many times in my life have I heard THAT before??

Anyway, in about eight hours from now, please don't try to break into my house. I'll have to hear major alarms sounding off, and and I'll have to be answering phone calls telling the monitors I'm either dead or raped. As for stealing, I'll just tell you up front, what I tell every workman who ever comes to my house. Uh... please don't steal anything. If you REALLY REALLY need it, just tell me what it is you were intending to steal, and I'll just give it to you right off the bat. That way, it'll make it easier on BOTH of us. And, trust me... I'm heavy into ease. Not to mention... security on the home front.

BARGAINS

Today I decided to do some shopping. I can't even remember the last time I was in a store to merely buy myself a present. Although, trust me... I try to do it as often as possible. And while I HAVE been in a store, it's been a while since I went into one which had a wide selection of clothing, shoes, pocketbooks, etc.

Today, however I went to one. I was in a store that I like to call Nordstrom's or maybe even Saks. Of course the stock holders much prefer to call it by its real name... BELK. I live in such a tiny town that... can you believe it... Belk Dept. Store is the big deal around here. It's kinda a joke... but nevertheless, I have been able to rack up nice, hefty, yearly bills, regardless. Go figure. Anyway, I was there for a reason. They were having a big sale on luggage and I decided it was time for me to buy some new pieces. I was going to treat myself to a nice big, rolling, expandable piece of luggage as well as a nice, small, rolling carry-on, as well.

So... I headed right smack over to the luggage department and a really nice, patient lady helped me to make my purchases. I found just what I wanted, and get this... I even saved $200 on the deal. As I was rolling my brand new purchases out of the store, however, the shoe department happened to catch my attention. They too, were having a sale. I'LL SAY.

I spotted a pair of great leopard skin ballerina flats (pun intended) on the sale table and bingo. They were just my size. Now if THAT isn't kismet, I don't know what is. Thus, I asked the saleslady how much they were. To which she replied: $2.98!!!! HUH?? THREE DOLLARS?? The only thing I could even think to say to her was: WAAAAY TOO OVERPRICED. Which of course meant... Yikes. I'll take them! And, I have to tell you... they are pretty damn snappy looking, if you ask me. Not quite as snappy, however as anOTHER pair I noted as I approached the cashier counter. Uh... I'll take those, too, please. They also, were like a definite must buy. Geez... I just hope I didn't over pay for the $14.99 price tag. Can you believe these killer bargains??

On the way out, I didn't DARE go into any other departments, since there is absolutely nothing under the sun that I could possibly need. But... I have to say... I LOVE the items I bought today. Even if they ARE from a pretend Lord & Taylor.

AM STILL ALIVE

For someone who has absolutely not much doing around here, I must nevertheless, be a busy little beaver. I just never seem to have time to sit down and write entries lately... or maybe things have merely been so mundane that I've determined no one could be remotely interested in reading anything I have to say. On the other hand, I'm just so thrilled to still be alive, given I was so sick last month, that nothing much else matters.

Actually, this morning... uh, in single digits temps, no less... I was at my doctor's office for a follow up visit and got a clean bill of health. And, I even got a little gift, now that I think about it. And, I'm not talking lollipops, either. Get this... as I was readying to leave the examining room, I happened to mention that I was leaving next week for a trip to Florida and that already, I was getting nerved about flying. Bingo. Right off the bat, the doctor said... OH, IN THAT CASE, LET ME GIVE YOU AN ADDITIONAL PRESCRIPTION FOR ANTIBIOTICS AND ATIVAN. Yippee! My two all time favorite meds! Of course, I didn't mention that I alREADY have plenty of Ativan and ZPac's safely tucked away at home, for I would NEVER look a gift horse in the mouth. WHY, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH, MR. DOCTOR, FOR KEEPING MY PERSONAL DRUG STORE SO HAPPILY STOCKED. Actually, it's a Mrs. Doctor, but who cares. No wonder I love her... she's apparently always on the lookout for helping me maintain my drugstore staples. What a gal!

As for not doing much lately, I must admit I've been heavy into the political debates and/or caucuses. I thought it was a particularly major planning coup on the part of George W. to hightail it out of the States and over to the Mid East while such important campaigning was occurring. What Republican candidate in their right mind would even WANT him around at a time like this, for fear of jinxing their run? It's amazing to me how now, ALL politicians are disgusted by Bush as much as I am. Finally... they're seeing the light. On the other hand, as you know, I've been an Obama supporter since the get go and today, I have to agree with him once again. Bear in mind, I'm wild for Billy Clinton. Way more than for Hillary. Regardless, today Obama kinda indicated that he almost felt as if he were running against BOTH Clintons, given Bill likes to sort of take center stage a bit too much. Barack seems to have a point, if you ask me. EEEKS... WAIT A MINUTE... I JUST HAD A THOUGHT. Is it even POSSIBLE that the Florida primaries will be occurring during my visit there, next week???? OMG... I had better go check the schedule. It's been a LONG time since I've seen fancy schmancy motorcades going down I-95. Trust me... I SO don't want to be around in major traffic snarls.

Anyway, yes... I'm still alive. And, SOOO looking forward to all the hot pastrami sandwiches and cherry cheesecake I can possibly down, while in Florida. THANK GOD I'll be able to eat the REAL deals... not like the pretend take offs that's offered here in the mountains. YIPPEE. Tasty delights for tasty cravings.

MUSCLE MAN

Hercules is the greatest hero in Greek mythology. In fact, if you Google him, you'll be able to read excellent info on this guy, who later became the only mortal to ever gain residence on Mt. Olympus and become a major God. His bio is amazingly interesting. Apparently Hercules is widely known for his incredible feats and crazy ass qualities; amongst them his strength.

Which is probably why this deal that I bought at the hardware store, is named for Hercules, himself. As in: Hercules Hooks. It's a fabulous product, indeed. I should know. I've used zillions in every room of my new home and highly suggest you do, too. Even more so, if you happen to buy a new home and don't want to ruin walls with mistakes, gashes, whatever. I've hung everything from mirrors to coat racks to pictures to clocks. I am so telling you... I love my muscle man.

What makes this item so incredible to me, is the fact that you never have to use your drill, molleys, screws, anchors, etc. or ANYthing that could screw up walls or make huge holes in them. And, each hook holds weight up to 150 lbs. Which I guess means, you could consider literally pushing your unruly teenager or even aggravating spouse, up against the wall. Well, maybe not pushing them, but certainly hanging them against the wall. Talk about multi functional! I myself like to keep the human factor out of my usages, but for everything ELSE... I'm in love with Mr. Hercules.

What also makes this item so great is that it's so EASY. You open the package, take the pointed end, press it into your drywall, push it in and twist it up. Bingo. Your hook is ready for hanging any damn thing you'd like.

The bottom line? These hooks of strength kinda bears witness to the ole adage: It's good to have man around the house. And apparently, a strong, powerful, God-like one, at that. Besides, this is one man who can show his power without ever uttering an unkind word. Who could ask for more?

SO NOT MINE

Oh my God... you should see my feet. Actually, I'd love to show you my feet, given that these in the picture, are SO not mine. They're attached to my legs, yes, but trust me... these are not my feet. Nor my ankles. This is craaaazy. And, distressing, too. I want my REAL feet back! And, SOON!

Here's the deal. First of all, for most of the last month, I've been really sick. Went no where... to no holiday festivities, no shopping, saw hardly anyone and watched more TV in 25 days than I ever saw in probably 25 years. It all started out as a head cold, and for the first time ever, I decided to do what everyone else in the world does. Wait a week for the cold to get better and go away. Uh... big mistake.

Next thing I know, the head cold turned into major sinus and respiratory infection, I guess, so boom. I went to the doctor. BUT... a week later, I was still no better, thus the doctor admitted me to the hospital last weekend, to have all sorts of tests done. In addition, they me gave all sorts of meds, IV, etc., etc. So... get this... once I was discharged, I was supposed to take the meds orally, which I did and only yesterday, did I look down and WHAMO... SAW SOMEONE ELSE'S FEET, ALTOGETHER!! Talk about two for the price of one! Both feet and ankles were so swollen from the meds that I can't even TELL you how stunned I was.

Bear in mind, I have very few enviable body parts. But... if I had to choose just one part of my body that was pretty much okay, my legs and feet would have to be it. Oh... but no more, my friend. NOW, I have lower limbs the size of my kitchen table and it's no pretty sight, I promise. Oh man... this is so unbelievable, I can't stand it. When I spoke to the doctor today, she told me, yes, the swelling should go down in about a week. SHOULD?? HUH?? WHAT ABOUT: DEFINITELY WILL!! If I have to sport these legs and feet for the rest of my life, I'll flip out.

Oh yeah... I'm also supposed to don support hose. Right, like that's ever going to happen. Have you ever SEEN those deals?? You can't even pull them up, given they're so damn tight. Plus, I'm supposed to keep my legs elevated, which I decided is sort of hard, given I have a million things to do, to make up for my lost month, and each and every one of those things demand that I walk around! Which obviously, is surely going to be no easy feat for these poor, unrecognizable feet. Especially considering, I'm now off to do a zillion errands. All of which demand I stand upright. Oh boy... am I ever in trouble. Oh yeah... care to guess how bloated my face and body are at the moment?? Think: MAJOR chubbette.