Five years ago, when I bought my computer, I thought I was on cloud nine. I even had the audacity to imagine I had all the bells and whistles I'd EVER need. Boy, was I barking up the wrong tree.
Turns out, that when I made that purchase, way back then, the thought of a WHOLE BIG 28 gigabytes of hard drive space was for SURE, going to keep me in good stead for ever. What a jerk I was. Here I am, five years later... with not even enough hard drive left on my computer to deFRAG the darn thing! Where did all the space GO, anyway?? Ummm... apparently, I didn't have a digital camera nor iTunes way back then. Not to mention the hordes of other applications I've since downloaded.
Enter: New Computer! YIPPEE. I called Mitch last week, told him to mosey on over here and let's sit down to go over specs for ordering a new Dell processor. We went online, he told me exactly what to buy, we placed the order, he came over a few days later, set up the new processor, installed programs and migrated data from the old hard drive to the new, and WHAMMO. I'm now computing with a drive that has... get this... 250 gigabytes of free space!! And, 3 megabytes of memory. And, I've got dual processors. Plus, a read/write CD and DVD. Now, if THIS doesn't last me a nice lonnnnng while, then for sure, I'm up the creek.
So far, I'm loving the machine. Of course, it took me four full days to find the light for the CAPS key, but whatever. I've been sitting in front of this deal for the past three days like a major geek, going through my C:/ directory, organizing it to make sure I have all the data and software right smack where it's supposed to be. Which reminds me... I was a MAJOR idiot for not having first backed up several important files before Mitch did the migrating bit, but THAT I'll just have to live with. I'm not going to let a simple thing like losing all my registration numbers for all SORTS of applications deter me from adoring my new computer. I SHOULD let it, but I'm not. Talk about stuffing one's head deep into the sand.
So, given this brand new set up, pretty spiffy and all, you'd almost think that from now on, my entries should be kinda spiffy, TOO. Well... THAT I can't promise. But, I DO promise to whip them out as fast as I can, since now, my brain is working at top speed and the computer is processing at even topper speed. (like my new vocabulary invention?) I promise to enjoy all the gadgets I've got going here and I especially promise never to do away with one hard drive before I back up important files from the old hard drive. Talk about being a quick learner! Even now, though, I can't beLIEVE I forgot to do that. I'm so not happy for instance, that all my icon programs/files are kaput. You have NO idea how I miss my Elvis shortcut icon pointing me to where else? Why to my music files, of course!! Long live the King. Who, now that I think of it, was also pretty spaced out.
I like to write "in the moment". And, right now, this is my moment. I just now came in from spending over an hour watering my trees... with the sun absolutely BLAZING down upon my body! Thus I am now, apparently a full fledged Redneck. Literally. I'm like sporting the reddest damn neck you ever freakin' saw.
My entire BODY should only become so red, so it could then become tan, and boom. I'd be a fit looking, bronzed-out sort of lady. However, no such luck. It's just my neck that's fire engine red. I think, anyway. I can't believe it.... for a college educated, well traveled, pretty worldly kinda lady... man, am I ever creating a whole new dimension for myself.
And, get this... it's after 6:00 p.m.!! So, WHY THE F IS THE SUN STILL OUT, ANYWAY?? Like, no where NEAR setting??? Man, this is crazy. Right now, at this hour of the day, you could absolutely get the strongest rays possible. MAN, I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME. Give me dusk and/or twilight as I'm making dinner ANY day of the week! Isn't the Sun God, Apollo, working overtime, here? Besides, who ever heard of needing protection from skin cancer at THIS hour of the day?? It's like a double whammy going on with me.
On the other hand, I imagine the people across the street are pretty damn chipper that it's still light outside. They've just moved in and about three hours ago, their moving van arrived with all the contents of their house. Oh yeah... I've already determined they have a king sized bed, given I thought I saw them carrying in what could be the mattress. Pretty much all the rest was in boxes, so I can't be too sure of the other goodies. I haven't see the big furniture yet though, so, I can't really tell what their decorating sense is all about. THAT I'll find out when I head over there some day to welcome them to the neighborhood. Anyway, given the sun still radiating like a crazy ass ball of fire, the movers will EASILY be able to unload the van until oh... about 11:00, I'd say.
So, I guess I needn't get all dolled up and head out to the County Club anytime soon. Given I'm a Redneck to the nth degree now, better I should instead, consider heading out to a rodeo. Or to pot bellied pork races. Or SOMEthing. I don't even know. Where DO Rednecks hang out, anyway? I'd like to know, given I kinda want introduce myself and make all sorts of new friends. It's like the old adage... birds of a feather, flock together. Hence, count me in.
Uh... not THAT O. The other one. As in: Oprah. I just can't believe I've got to make a new rule about watching her show. More to the point... I need a rule to have a box of Kleenex next to me whenever I watch her show. Just in case.
Apparently, I'm a big cry baby. Well, not always, but CERTAINLY on days when she has never before met family reunions or soldiers coming back from war or twins who never met each other or etc. etc. Every time I see these kinds of deals... I cry like a baby. For people I don't even KNOW.
And, It's not only her show. It could be any show. But, I am so telling you, I am a major sucker for wonderful things happening to people who've carried crazy ass burdens for long times. Okay... case in point. Just the other day, Oprah had this show about children of men who made anonymous donations to a sperm bank. Zillions of mothers were ever so thankful, given they could then, have children. However... guess what... eventually, the kids grow up and hence, have nagging pangs of wondering who their REAL father is.
Enter: Oprah. She had a bunch of adult children on her show and some of them have indeed, met their real fathers. But... most haven't. And, want to. Subsequently, there is some website where people can go to hopefully solve the puzzle. As a result, there was this brother sister duo, who were born from sperm donations of the same father and never even CONSIDERED they could have siblings.
Bingo... they finally meet. Boom... I cry like a baby when they do. I just can't get over how much the happiness these strangers feel, can pull on my sentimental heartstrings. It's like SUCH a wonderful moment for them, and I'm just so happy to see such emotionally thrilling moments. After waiting a life time to see or meet friends, relatives, human angels, whatever... Whamo. It happens. And when it does, my eyes well up because it's like the all time happiest day of their lives. Who WOULDN'T tear up? Even today, I got a little choked up when David Letterman was talking about how his father would have given his eye tooth to have seen the DAVID LETTERMAN BUILDING OF COMMUNICATIONS at his college campus.
I so love this. I especially love my local news channel, when it shows the homecoming of men and/or women who have been fighting for our country. Kinda like the lady who graduated college in Orlando the other day, and as a surprise, her soldier son was flown in to hand over her diploma. This is SO up my alley! Gulp. Uh... pass the tissues, please.
Actually, I guess I shouldn't be all that amazed at myself for crying and loving these moments... I absolutely LOVE happy surprises. Of course, I love them even more when they're MY surprises, but whatever. As long as people are crying with joy, what could be better??
I never saw the movie, but I can almost assure you... no matter how many ants were in it, I have far surpassed them in the amount that's in my kitchen. It's crazy.
About a month ago, I began noticing baby sugar ants. Next thing I know, there are about 15 billion relatives joining them. All, interested in munching on ANYthing thing that was sitting upon my counter top. I have never SEEN so many. And, I've never been so freaked. As it happens, I leave food out alllll the time. Ex: a large chocolate chip cookie can last me all day long. I break off a piece, pop it into my mouth, leave the rest on the counter, and bingo. I have a snack out at all times, ready for the NEXT bite I'll be taking.
Well, I'm sorry to say... it's not actually working out that way any longer. NOW... I'm into heavy protection of every morsel of food that is either intentionally or accidentally left out on the kitchen counter. It's like me against the ants and believe you me, I'm sorry to say... the ants are winning.
Enter: TERMINEX. I had a coupon, got a recommendation from a friend, called the company, asked for Mr. Jeff, and boom. He was out the next day. YIPPEE. The battle had begun. Well, the battle of the insects, that is. I wasn't too sure about the battle of the sexes... I began to kinda sense that Mr. Jeff was a little to chummy for a first visit yesterday, and hmmm... didn't know exactly what to think. Thus, I REALLY went into battle mode, creating all sorts of stories, to be sure that HE was sure, I had something along the lines of a nine foot sumo wrestler living with me. Hence... he was protecting my home. I was protecting myself. Of course, why any 40 year old would possibly want to get chummy with an old 60 year old lady like me, is beyond my comprehension, but, so be it. Besides, maybe it was all my imagination. Uh... I hope, anyway.
What isn't my imagination however, is the ANTS. They're WELL on their way out of here, by now. Thank God. FINALLY, I'll be able to have all kinds of food, lining every inch of kitchen space, if I wanted, and will be able to know... it'll finally be ant free! I won't be sharing my goodies with anything crawling around on all fours, any longer. Or on all tens. Or however many legs insects have. Who the hell knows. All that matters, is there will be PLENTY of ant free foods in my kitchen, now. Yippee. Am winning the ant war, afterall.
I had a pretty rough day today. It all began with my finally getting out of bed around 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Well, okay. Maybe it wasn't all that rough after all. I did get out a couple times earlier, however, but that was to merely grab a cookie or a Diet Coke, or some other fine health food. I kept getting caught up in different crappy movies. But, movies that basically fit my low standards for damn good entertainment.
Then, I watched a movie I REALLY love... The Other Boleyn Girl. It's like a favorite book of mine. Anyway, I got through the first 25 minutes of it, and boom. Next thing I know, I fell right smack back to sleep. FINALLY about 1, is when I decided I finally had had plenty of sleep, thus was ready to hop out of bed and start my day. Not bad for a lazy ass woman, huh?
I straightened the house a bit, took a shower, gave myself a manicure, did some work at the computer, ate another cookie and another Diet Coke. Oh... by the way, don't ever eat prunes, salad and leftover hot dogs/beans in the same day. You'll be in the bathroom 100 times in four short hours. Also... don't ask me how I know. Just trust me on this one.
I think my stomach woes may have begun a couple of days ago when I got up EARLY to have blood drawn for my sugar level test. I always make the appointment for FIRST thing in the morning. That way, I get to limit my fasting from the night before to like only 7 hours, during most of which time, I'm fast asleep. It's the only way I could EVER go that long without something in my mouth. Anyway, a crazy thing happened to me when I went to the medical lab.
There I was, rubber tubing wrapped around my upper arm, ready to have the needle draw out the blood and bingo. In walks a guy with a HUGE BOX OF KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS! Talk about eyes lighting up! He was actually asking the technician to please deliver it next door when everyone arrives for work. I, instead, was asking UH... AM I ALLOWED TO HAVE ONE?? To which the guy said yes. Which I found sort of ironic, given there I was, having a test done for my blood sugar levels and WHAT IN THE WORLD could possibly have more sugar than glazed doughnuts??? Naturally, I had them draw the blood first THEN ate the poisonous sugar.
Oh yeah... one last thing. Right after the lady was finished with me she asked: DO YOU LIKE EARRINGS? Next thing I know, she's showcasing all SORTS of earrings and bracelets she's made at home. Thankfully, I found none that sparked me, but as soon as I said NO THANK YOU, she then asks: DO YOU LIKE SHOES?? Can you believe this?? I'm in a regular store front business here, or something! There is NO way the doctors upstairs know what's doing down in the lab, believe me.
On the other hand, it was quite a lovely way to start the day. A delicious doughnut, a lovely array of jewels and an almost array of shoes. Definitely three of my all time favorite things in the world. No wonder my stomach is doing flip flops.
I am now a freakin' horticulturist, damnit. I so never wanted to be this. But... I've got no choice. I HAVE to be one. Like, at any moment now, I'm thinking I may need to become a lifetime member of the 4-H Club. Jeez... this is DEFINITELY crapola, if you ask me.
Naturally, this all points back to my landscaping woes.
Okay... so I've sorta, kinda, almost, but not really, made peace with the fact I have to water my 40 trees every other day. Which as I've mentioned none to many times before, takes like an hour and a half. During YOGA time, no less. Which, yes, means I'm looking crappier and crappier by the day, given I no longer have time for maintaining this aging, drooping body of mine . On the other, I MAY be seeing the light at the end of the tree watering tunnel, sometime in the near future. Thank God. BUT... until then, I've ALSO got this garden landscaping deal now going on.
The garden flowers, all beautiful and colorful, planted mostly in the front of my house, basically needed not nearly so much time consuming attention as the trees. At first, anyway. Yes, I have to water the flowers every other day, but THESE, I can get away with, watering in pretty much, a mere 25 minutes. Boom. I'm done. NOW, however, I can see I'm going to be spending way more time in the garden than I ever wanted.
Case in point: I now see that practically all the leaves on the different species of the fabulous blooming plants have major HOLES IN THEM!! As in: aphids, beetles, ladybugs, God knows what else, happily and continually chomping away at the plants' leaves. The insects are like having a field day, basically making a delightful smorgasbord of my entire garden. Ergo: leaves on plants look pretty much like Swiss cheese. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?? So, not only am I watering everything else until I'm ready to throw up, but NOW I have to become a crazy ass plant specialist!!
Off I went to my local plant center this morning, selecting all kinds of plant insect sprays, forced to actually LEARN about how to spray, when to spray, where to spray. Get this.. the directions actually want me to be sure to spray not only the tops of the leaves, but the UNDERsides of all the leaves, too. Yeah... like THAT'S ever going to happen. They think I'm going to be TURNING OVER EACH OF THE 4 BILLION LEAVES for their spray medicine??? Whoa. F that!!
Bottom line??? I'm now watering the 40 trees, watering garden plant blooms, APPLYING MEDICINE to the garden bloom leaves and simultaneously, readying to shoot myself. All I know, is that I drive down the street all over the city and everyone ELSE'S garden is to die for. As if Adam and Eve themselves are tending to its remarkable beauty. Mine?? It's like presenting me with challenges by the hour. I can only hope that the worst is over and within days, I'll be seeing blooms and leaves as spiffy as when they first went into the ground. That way, they'll soon be looking as great as the trees. And, maybe my grass. Which, by the way, I'm watering as we speak. I know... yet ANOTHER branch of horticulture about which I'm learning. Am telling you... pretty soon I'll be considering entering something from the outside my house in the State Fair. I so better win, too!
Five years ago, when I bought my computer, I thought I was on cloud nine. I even had the audacity to imagine I had all the bells and whistles I'd EVER need. Boy, was I barking up the wrong tree.
