DAY SURGERY

I swear to God... Monica is a genius. And, apparently, she is also a master surgeon. After having lunch today, Monica came back home with me and together we were going to begin making a zillion dollars by selling on Ebay. As it happens, the listing of the sale was the easy part. Even finding something to sell was easy enough. It was receiving PAYMENT for said sales that threw us into a tizzy. Well, threw me, anyway.

Turns out, that to sell on Ebay you first need a PayPal account which is something I already have, given all my past auction purchases. Buying is as easy as 1-2-3. Selling is another story altogether. I need to be verified on PayPal? I need a Premier Acc't? I need a Business Acc't? A simple Personal Acc't will work just as well? Jesus... It was nuts. Monica wanted me to read all the thousands of new links we clicked on, but actually my thought was: thanks, but no thanks. How could I? I couldn't even figure out the darn LIST itself. There were zillions of links, but never the one that would answer the actual question I was seeking. Besides, Monica tried all the links herself while I fetched a glass of wine and STILL we were no closer than we were 4 hours earlier.

Things were becoming such a chore that at one point we decided take a break and go find an item for my quote Practice Sale. In the basement I came across a Lenox vase I never use. Bingo. Mission accomplished. We signed back onto Ebay, checked out any competing vases and get this... I ALMOST WOUND UP BUYING FROM MY COMPETITION! I swear... for a mere $9.99 (which the Lenox website said was worth $60) I could buy a vase exactly like the one I was getting ready to sell! YIKES. I could now have a set!! Talk about dilemmas! And, talk about an idiot... I began the day hell bent on downsizing. Next thing I know I'm this far from upgrading my ITEMS THAT SIT ON BASEMENT SHELVES! Don't ask.

Anyway, the topper of the day was when, hours into our PayPal project, poor Monica was in SUCH back pain, she finally allowed me to give her 3 Advil. No sooner had she swallowed the meds than she announced she was going to lay on the floor to help the pain subside. The next thing I know, Monica brought her leg up to her chest, crossed her knee over the side of her body for no more than 6 seconds AND BOOM! SHE HOPS UP, READY TO DO ANY KIND OF CALISTHENICS YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE! As a back pain sufferer myself, I was in sheer shock. It was like MAGICAL 6 SECOND SURGERY and never in my life have I ever seen such a recovery. I'm telling you... I was SHOCKED. So shocked, in fact, I was ready to call ABC's Dr. Timothy Johnson and report Monica's miraculous pain relief technique. Monica actually crunched a back bone right back in place in a mere blink of an eye! Honestly. Had I turned around to sneeze or something, I would have missed the entire surgery altogether.

Which to me, means only one thing. Monica has no need whatsover of selling on Ebay to become rich and famous. Rather, she needs to get to an AMA annual meeting and report her unbelievable back relief techniques IMMEDIATELY. I, on the other hand, have to find a doctorate program to teach me all about PayPal.