THE BALL COCK

Some title, huh?? In the meantime, don't get all huffy-puffy on me. I'm not trying to push any envelope here. Instead, I'm referring to the fill valve of a toilet. MY toilet, to be exact. I must tell you though, my girlfriend, Sue, DID tell me this particular plumbing item is definitely my kind of terminology. I mean really... the plumbers of old couldn't come up with any OTHER name for these mechanisms?? Geesh. I'd have loved to have been at THAT vocabulary meeting, alright. OKAY BOYS: HERE'S AN IDEA FOR YOU. FORGET ABOUT FILL VALVE.... WE'RE NAMING IT A BALL COCK, INSTEAD.

In the meantime, Sue is my go-to friend for the post-flushing water problem in my guest bathroom toilet. Way before Sue began working at Home Depot, she began perfecting the home improvement bit, and I've been impressed, indeed. Me? I simply hire someone. Sue? She checks a book out from the library and actually LEARNS. Soooo not my style.

Anyway, this toilet has been acting up for a couple of months now, and it would seem sensible that I'd get right on it (so to speak) regarding it's repair. However, it's not the toilet I normally use, so hey. Why worry? Yet... I DO know right from wrong. Thus, it's becoming apparent that the time is right for me to... ahem... attend to the ball cock. It was Sue who told me that's where the trouble lay; before she diagnosed and named the problem I had NO clue of such goings on. That there even WAS an alternate meaning to these terms, was indeed news to me.

Such news, that Sue's first direction was for me to remove the tank top (a t-shirt is down there?) check out the parts, see what type they were, come to the store and give a full report on the inner workings. WHOA... WAS SHE CRAZY??? I'M GOING TO INVESTIGATE THE TOILET TANK?? ANTE UP A REPORT ON IT, NO LESS?? What the hell must Sue be THINKING??? Oh my God. This was so not the way it was going to be.

Suffice it to say, I told Sue she had it WAY all backwards. I made it clear SHE's doing the checking/reporting/touching/etc. I'm merely doing the listening/purchasing. Which I'll do on Tuesday when we have tentative plans for her to show up here. So.... for all my bathroom using friends, all I can say is: HELP IS ON THE WAY. In no time flat, the ball cock will be in perfect working order. And afterall, perfect IS the way we like ball cocks best. Oh... and the fill valve, too.