CALL THE SHRINK

I was so hoping to win the NC $240 million Power Ball Lottery a couple of weeks ago. Damn. I didn't. Damn. Instead, this really old guy from Missouri did. He and his equally old wife. And, in a round about way, so did his three sons, two of whom just lost their jobs. I saw this family on TV earlier today. Boy, did THEY look happy! And, I was kinda glad for everyone. In an extremely jealous sort of way.

I was also kinda thinking that I hope they STAY happy. I keep hearing again and again about folks who win fabulous amounts of money in the lottery, only to eventually declare bankruptcy. WHAT?? HOW CAN THAT BE??? I'll tell you how: they're nuts!! Talk about letting something go to your head. To your outta control, crazy-ass head, if you ask me.

Apparently there are a lot of people who win major big money. And, a lot them go out, buying everything they possibly can; and I do mean EVERYthing. People who one day can hardly maintain their old beat-up looking Ford Escort are, the very next day, hiring private jets to fly them all over the world. Or, after happily living in the same 1000 square foot home for 20 years, the winners decide that all of a sudden the family homestead now needs to be more along the lines of a three story 30,000 square foot estate with naturally, a working elevator. Of course, inVESTing the money in some really safe, well diversified financial portfolio is never up for consideration. Ergo: good-bye incredibly lucky new found wealth. NEWS ALERT TO WINNING FAMILIES: Have you any idea how much it takes to mainTAIN such a life style?? Oops. Oh yeah... we forgot about that part.

Which is why, when I saw this lucky son of a gun lottery winning guy on TV today, surrounded by his wife and family, MY first thought was: Quick! Get an appointment with the best shrink you can find IMMEDIATELY and ask him/her to assess your mental health, in hopes you can FORGET ABOUT BLOWING ALL THE DIZZYING DOUGH IN A MATTER OF MERE STUPID MONTHS. To me, THAT would be a smart financial move. Factoring in of course, a call to a fabulous accountant. Actually, according my own Linda's School of Modern Psychiatry, I'd quickly suggest that this guy change his phone number so every relative, friend, bookie, and collections dept. will never again be able to find him.

But, definitely first on the list, would be contacting the shrink. I mean, really. Can you iMAGine how far off the chart people need to be, to foolishly squander away MILLIONS of dollars??? In no time flat?? Now THAT is what I'd call an ingrate. Me, on the other hand?? I would be SO DAMN GRATEFUL that I'd make my appointment right after I BUY the darn ticket! Geez... if only I could be so lucky.