PORTION CONTOL

I'm sort of lucky that my body is pretty much proportioned. A CHUBBY proportion, granted, but at least the chubbiness is evenly and fairly distributed. Of course, God DID build my body backwards, given I have a completely flat ass and a really crappy belly. MY personal solution would be to just twist my head around 180 degrees and then bingo. My figure would be in much better stead. However, forget about me.

What is REALLY crazy is the portion size nutritionists and/or food distributors expect you to call a meal. For instance: I love when I read the label on a food item, noting the number of portions for the contents, only to be STUNNED that they expect said contents to actually FEED the number of people it's suggesting. Well, yeah... if you're a 3 year old, it will. THEN the contents will EASILY serve 4-6. However, if you're anywhere over the age of 5, you're in deep trouble. Apparently what I call a portion and what the higher UPS call a portion, is definitely diametrically opposed.

Yesterday I was putting on makeup, and the TV was on in the bedroom. While listening, I overheard a list of "tips" for those wanting to stay slim. This kind of info must be aimed at the same people who proudly own a bathroom scale. Anyway, get this... on the list was a suggestion for an adult portion of salmon. Sitting down?? The recommended portion should be the size of a DECK OF CARDS!!!

What?? That's a portion?? Are they nuts?? That can possibly fill you UP?? Geez... I'd be a starving lunatic in a mere 20 minutes after the meal! In fact, my immediate thought was: that's the size of an APPETIZER, not an entree!! I was plenty irked, listening to this garbage... much like I'm irked when I go to a beautiful French restaurant and they serve a salad which can be downed in a simple five bites. Hey! I want my money's worth! And... I want a REAL adult sized portion! Who the hell are they kidding, anyway?? Trust me... size matters. And for food portions, too.

I suspect you'd be freaked if you saw me eat a steak. I think the portion control for THAT is probably about half a deck of cards. MY personal portion is closer to a card TABLE. I'm definitely a meat and potatoes kinda gal. And frankly, my body LIKES meat. I can eat a hefty sized steak and yet my body will feel perfectly comfortable. Give me a normal portion of rice however, and boom. I'm feelin' way bloated and stuffy. So, naturally, I listen to the inner voice of my body and eat the king sized meat.

In closing, let me just add some advice to the food industry: GET REAL, would you please. Cut the Slurpee crap in half, and calculate adult serving sizes according to some semblance of reality. As in: aDULT sized portions. In other words, if food items were T-shirts, think: XXL.