10/13/09

VEGETARIANS


So, I’m sort of beginning to see why people are heavy into being a vegetarian. DO YOU SEE these peppers?? Can you BELIEVE it? I myself was stunned there was such a vegetable, but believe you me… if I ever find them at my local grocer, I am SO buying these. Kinda gives a whole new meaning to: eat up, everyone!!

I can’t even remember where I first saw these, but I can tell you this… one look and I was hooked. These interesting little items are aptly named PENIS and/or PETER PEPPERS. EEEKS. According to some farmers, they can even grow to 18 inches long. Oh Lordy… don’t even go there. And… some consider these too hot to actually eat. Now THERE'S a surprise. Supposedly they are akin to the Tabasco and JalapeƱo peppers, but have about 10 times the heat.

Want to learn more about these hotties? (consider this an educational entry, if you’d like) Simply go to: http://www.chickenup.com/Peter_Peppers/body_peter_peppers.htm You’ll get all the info you’ll possibly need. You can even order the seeds for your own veggie garden should you be so inclined.

While others are either cooking with these peppers, or perhaps making a salad let’s say, I think that instead… I’ll use for them for favors at my next dinner party! I mean it… I can’t WAIT for everyone to be seated at their place setting and go wild with laughter. Naturally, I’ll then have to go into my own little rendition of: PETER PIPER PICKED A PECK OF PICKLED PEPPERS… Need I say more?

10/2/09

SONNY DAYS

Much to my enjoyment, I spent a wonderful weekend with my son last weekend. He was home for three days. It’s taken me five days to recuperate but, that’s a whole different story altogether.

I’ve gotta tell ya… this kid makes me laugh like no tomorrow. I’m basically getting for free, for what I believe Lorne Michaels would pay millions. Which is too bad, given I would LOVE to grab some of those millions.

Case in point: as were driving along on Saturday, all of a sudden my son breaks into this type of muffled lisp kinda speech that just knocked me out. I don’t even remember hearing it before. It’s a crazy type of speech pattern, that is just shy of sounding like a person who may be verbally challenged. Of course, I’m laughing right off the bat. So, after he’s talking to me in this way for a bit, it hits me… OMG… you have SO got to become a teacher, using this crazy ass linguistic type of expertise, to go teach a class in: ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE. I chose: teaching English to French students. We laughed HYSTERICALLY at the concept.

Next thing I know, my son automatically slips into his professor sort of mode and begins to actually teach a pretend class. Including how the students will repeat what it is, he is saying. IT WAS HILARIOUS. The two of us were laughing up a storm. Plus… his content, in addition to the speech impediment, was not to be believed. He created the PERFECT syllabus at a moments notice. Anyway, after he regales me for a while with this outstanding comical routine, I next suggest to him… OMG… YOU ALSO need to now become a Disc Jockey!!

It was crazy. He IMMEDIATELY begins to do a Casey Kasem type of deal, doing the Top 40 Countdown or something. SOOOO funny. Of course, the speech is understandable to the listener… but barely. I was simply rolling on the floor. We then began to think of all the scenarios in which PERFECT command of the auditory language was mandatory and boom! Those are the scenes he needs to do for Lorne.

It’s too bad that I’m the only one who gets to be thrilled by my kid’s performances. Well, other than my Mother and brother, who’s favorite character of his was RAMON… the interior decorator. Or was he a hair stylist?? I can’t even remember. On the other hand… be SURE to never fall in love with a character my son creates… it will be the last time he’ll ever do it. Damnit. OH… DO THE ONE WHERE… bingo. You’ll plead and plead to no avail.

Which is a shame. For, my son is by far the funniest guy I know. He needs to become a Vince Vaughan or something. THEN… not only will he become happy and famous, but then I will become RICH and famous. Now THAT’S hilarious.