FOOD POISONING

Actually, it was more like ELECTIVE food poisoning. As it happens, I bring an apple to work each day, and usually throw in a small pack of Peanut Butter crackers, too. Hence… my food routine from Monday through Thursday. It's only AFTER I get home, that I get to eat REAL food. Like, meat, chicken, salad, whatever.

Today was different, though. I had to leave school and go directly to the car dealership to pick up my wheels, which I left yesterday for servicing. Oh… and by the way, when paying the several hundred dollar tab, it struck me as completely shocking when the cashier looked up at me, checked me out... and proceeded to tell me how much better I now look with my attractive new hair do! HUH?? How did SHE know? Turns out, she was viewing my driver's license, which showed my crappy hair and/or picture from 4 years ago. EEKS. I've GOT to update that shot IMMEDIATELY!

Anyway, while writing my check, I began to get a really sick feeling in my body. Not from the usual angst due to the depletion of monies from my checking account, BUT from the sudden realization that my sugar was dropping due to not having yet eaten. EEKS. It was 4 o'clock and I had completely forgotten about food! Talk about an astonishing event!

Which is why I chose to poison myself. DELICIOUSLY poison myself, but toxic, nonetheless. I left the dealership and RACED to the first place I passed to grab something to eat. Turns out the first place I passed was, what else? Burger King. Also known as: major dietary pollutant and overall lethal cuisine. BUT, I have to tell you... as poisonous as this fast food may have been, it was by far THE tastiest meal I've had in a lonnnnng time! WAY more delectable than the Food Network would EVER recommend. Let alone the medical community.

Regardless, I quickly ordered a Junior Whopper with cheese, french fries and what the hell... throw in a small chocolate milkshake. And just as quickly, I downed this feast in utter delight! Talk about Poison Heaven. I have to admit: I so loved this meal WAY more than I should have. Indeed… every bite of the 50k caloric and heart clogging bit of it, went down with sheer ease and pleasure.

Yes, I felt horribly guilty. But interestingly enough... I was able to cope JUST beautifully. In fact, I just may have to try this gastro-bliss yet again in another 2 years. Given the restraint from my 4 year craving for some KFC, occasional food poisoning, it turns out, is not NEARly as deadly as I imagined. Actually... I highly recommend it. And, besides everything else… you get to walk away with a pretty snappy looking crown.