CHAMPAGNE OR SHOTGUN

I am hosting a small dinner party tomorrow night, an evening for some of my favorite friends to gather as we watch the election returns. I am just wondering however, if in addition to a fabulous meal, I might also need to line up an emergency medical vehicle, just to be on standby should the country once again vote for a man without brains. Hey... it happened once, didn't it? Ooops. I mean, twice. But, that's a story for another day.

For NOW, my biggest decision is what to offer as hostess gifts. Normally, it could be a beautifully wrapped candle, or a small box of chocolate treats, or maybe even a tiny porcelain figurine. Tomorrow night however... I might need to go a completely different route. As in: should I place at each setting a small bottle of champagne for one OR a long, huge, brand new shot gun? Or...both, just to cover all my bases?? Trust me, if McCain wins this election, I will SO need the shotgun. Just for myself, alone. It's up to the others if they want to use theirs or not. Actually... now that I think of it, maybe I'll use the champagne, too. First, to get rip roaring drunk and THEN shoot myself. Talk about dilemmas.

For two years I've been watching every politico known to man. I've heard every candidate and every analyst and every pollster and every possible direction this campaign can go. I'M READY TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT, at this point. ISN'T EVERYONE?? Obviously, the real test comes tomorrow night. Apparently, by 8:00 p.m., according to the pundits. Which naturally is why I'm having this dinner party.

Why do myself in, while alone?? Much better to have my favorite friends around, so they can race me to the hospital and then make all the necessary calls to the rest of world, to let them know I've gone off the deep end. Not to mention, to the heavenly beyond. IF on the other hand, Obama ... TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER, PLEASSSSE... DOES win, then for SURE I want my friends around! CEEEEEEEEEELEBRATION TIME, COME ON!! I'll raise my glass of champagne over and over again, tap dancing all over the house, maybe throwing in a toke or two and celebrate with my friends like no there's tomorrow.

And, there WILL be a tomorrow alright... a brand new historical day. A new day for a new President, with a new way of leading our country, with new hopes and new policies and new respect and new relief. Thank GOD almighty. Thank God almighty. But... no sense counting any chickens before they hatch, so... it's off to liquor store. Then off to the gun shop. I wonder if they make shot guns in glossy black, covered with diamonds and pearls. No reason not to make the table place settings as pretty as possible, don't you think?