THE BIG DILEMMA

Spring is here. Thus, the time of year when once again, I'm faced with a major dilemma. It occurs every year and actually, I've haven't completely resolved it. Instead, I just live with my fingers crossed.

The dilemma involves my bedroom door. And, the beautiful night time weather. Given I love fresh air so much, I am absolutely wild about sleeping with the door opened so the evening sound of the trees can be heard, so that the beautiful cool air can wash all over me while I dream and so that I can awaken to the sound of the wonderful chirping birds. That's the good news.

The bad news however, is that if the door is left opened during the night, then I might get raped. And trust me... rape is not high on my list of things I'd like to occur. While I do indeed love sexual pleasures, actually being FORCED to have sex with some scary low life escapee, who's holding a knife to my face and heavy into murdering his victims, is SO not the way I'm seeking satisfaction.

As it happens, my worries of rape come from the fact that although the entrance to my back patio is high from ground level, all the potential rapist would actually need is a ladder and boom! He's in. Or, maybe a co-conspirator who's willing to merely boost him up. EEKS.

For years, I've TRIED to leave the door opened, REALLY trying to suppress my fears but I swear... within minutes, I hopped out of bed, filled with doubt/fear and bingo. I just HAD to close/lock the door. Whew. Immediate peace of mind was restored.

But, of course I was THEN deprived of the sleep environment I so love. Thus, right back to where I started from. I've even polled my neighbors, describing my dilemma and every last one of them tell me not to worry a bit. There is NO way a crazy ass rapist is coming after me. Like how do THEY know, anyway? In the meantime, I really want to believe them. But, Claudia doesn't buy it. She claims with all the workers who are often in my development, she's thinking it's one of THEM who might enjoy a nice forced roll in the hay. What to do??

Well, what I did last fall, was BELIEVE the neighbors. I really DID leave my bedroom door open... I mustered the nerve, justifying it all by simply telling myself IF I'M MEANT TO DIE BY BEING SCARED OUT OF MY F-ING MIND WHILE BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED, THEN, OKAY, BRING IT ON. If not, then bingo. I'll have a great night's sleep. And guess what? I'm still alive!

So, tonight, when I go to bed, I'll have to consider all my options. Sleep with the door opened and pretend I'm not afraid? Or, keep the door locked and enjoy the fact I won't be killed after all. Now HERE'S an issue for vacillation.