WASTED

I swear to God.... today is a MAJOR day in my life. And no... I am NOT actually wasted. Instead, I'm apparently WAISTED. As in: for the first time in YEARS, I noticed I ACTUALLY HAVE A WAIST LINE. Or, at least, the beginnings of one.

Whoa. When the hell did THAT happen?? All I can say is... 1.) this has taken me COMPLETELY by surprise and 2.) it borders on nothing less than miraculous. The surprise occurred earlier today when I was dressing. I was putting on my skirt, and when doing so, I just innocently and nonchalantly happened to glance up in the mirror. OH MY GOD... THERE IT WAS. I saw it there in the reflection... an actual real, live waist line! Have you any idea how long I've gone withOUT one? How long it's been since I've SEEN one? Never in my wildest imagination did I ever expect to see THAT again. Especially at this age.

Now, I don't want to get carried away, for indeed, I'm in no way even close to a REAL figure. But regardless, at least you can now tell that I'm a woman. As I've often mentioned... heretofore, I've always identified more with my father's physique as opposed to my mother's figure. Well, no more, my friend. And, my mirror proves it! MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL; WHO'S THAT WAISTED? LIKE THEM ALL? Such were the words I muttered to myself as I stood there, simply astounded.

Now... if only I can get my sagging breasts to turn back the years. Or, get my tummy tucked. Or my face lifted. Or my inner thighs done. HELLO? EXTREME MAKEOVERS? OH, HI, THIS IS LINDA. I'M THINKING I COULD BE YOUR ALL TIME FAVORITE CANDIDATE...