ONGOING MYSTERY

Whenever I do my laundry, I live in a constant state of being stupefied. And, there is no one else to blame but me, since I'm the only one washing my clothing. I'm way too particular about my clothes to let just ANYone do it; I simply would NEVER trust another to handle my wardrobe.

Apparently, I alone, have it all down pat as to what's to be washed, at what temperature, which spin speed to use, how long items can remain in the dryer, and exactly how things should then be hung on the hangers. I'm pretty particular about the hangers I use, too. Wire hangers were thrown out YEARS ago and slacks can ONLY be hung on the huge tubular kind. Shirts on the other hand, can only be hung on the skinny, skinny velvet covered hangers. Trust me... laundering my clothes is a whole program system onto itself.

Thus, someone else can do the dusting, the cleaning, the windows and floors. But I'm doing the laundry. What really gets me about doing it however, is the fact that EVERY damn time, a crazy ass mystery occurs. The mystery centers around the single sheet of fabric softener that I toss into the dryer along with the freshly washed clothes. I KNOW each load gets the sheet of softener... what I don't know is: WHERE THE HELL IS IT AFTER I REMOVE THE CLOTHES. I swear... this softening sheet goes SOMEwhere. I just don't know WHERE.

Indeed, I TRY finding the sheet. Mainly because I ALWAYS use it to collect the lint left in the lint collector. The problem is: the sheet is SOMEwhere... I just can never find it. I don't care how many times I search the removed clothing, looking to see where softening sheet is hiding... it's almost never, ever to be found. It's like a F-ing game that the dryer likes to play with me. OKAY, ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO! FIND THE SOFTENER SHEET!

I pile all the clothes I remove, right atop the dryer. I pick up each article, hoping it'll be easy to spot. Care to guess how many times I go through this ritual? And almost NEVER do I find the softener sheet. I just can't figure it out. It's crazy.

I purposely lift each item with care, so hoping I'll come across it. The odds of my finding it are consistently about 100 to 1. Until, that is, when I sit down in front of the TV set and begin folding the clothes. Then BOOM!, OUT OF NO WHERE, the sheet suddenly reappears! DAMN! Why can't I ever find it from the get go?? It simply baffles me each and every time. And... it pisses me off. Mainly because I really HAVE already carefully searched it out only to meet with failure; until I'm deep into the folding phase, anyway. Which is way too late, given I'm no longer standing in front of the lint container.

Bottom Line: No WONDER reading mysteries was never my forte. Who the hell can ever solve it? If I can't find a crappy little piece of fabric softener, there is NO way I figure out zillions of clues to some major high crime murder scene. Which is just as well. I hate seeing dead people.