IN THE KNOW

The other day I took an online test geared specifically to fifth graders. It covered a WIDE variety of subjects and I am sure you could pass this test with flying colors. Uh... I couldn't. I probably rated a C- at best. There must have been about 10 questions. I think I got 6 correct. EEEKS. I'm a flunkie??

Apparently so. And, it's kinda amazing, given I'm pretty damn smart. Well, for a 4th grader, at least. Turns out 5th grade would be the big challenge. Anyway, today, I opted for another test... a vocabulary quiz, this time. One geared for 11th graders, maybe.

YIPPEE. I passed. With flying colors, too! Thank God. If I flunked this one also, I'd freak. Again, there were 10 questions... I missed one. Which gives me a score of 90. In public school, I'd get only a B. But in private school, where I'm thinking the scoring is based a tad differently, I'd maybe get an A. Which only means... I'm headed to high priced private schools, if ever I need to enroll somewhere.

I remember how stunned I was when my son took Calculus in high school and college. What the F IS Calculus, anyway?? Who uses it? Why? Who'd ever WANT to? To this day, I have no clue what this course is about other than it's one I'LL NEVER BE TAKING. I handled Algebra I and II perfectly fine. Geometry killed me. I don't even remember whether or not I ever took Trig, but if I did, I'm sure I hated it. Languages? Bingo. I'm a champ. Math? WAY outta my league.

Which is why I entered today's vocabulary quiz with shaky confidence. I was PRAYING I'd pass, even as I clicked the Start icon. If I couldn't pass THIS test, I'd almost have to give up my teaching license for good. And now that I think of it, I guess I'll not report my grade results to my principal. I sort of like fooling some of the people some of the time.

So... the Bottom Line, as I see it? Congratulations to all passing students in fifth grade and beyond! They all deserve medals. Oh sure... I can bust their ass in Spelling, Reading, Writing, Language, Computing, etc. Even the three Florida Real Estate exams, I aced right off the bat. But, Math or Science? Or fifth grade common knowledge tests? Trust me... I'm SO doomed.