LIGHT WARS

Okay... so I'm thinking... that MAYbe I'm involved in a war of lights. Outside lights, that is. Flood lights, to be exact. As it happens, I have ALWAYS left every single outside light on, each and every night. ESPECIALLY while I'm asleep. I'm SO not into burglaries, rape, death, whatever. Thus... as a means of protecting myself, I leave all flood lights on, all night long, on all corners of my house. Including back porch and patio lights. Always have. Always will.

So, naturally, when I moved in, the FIRST thing I told the builder was: Uh... get me flood lights, please. Which he did. I had to nix his first round of lighting, however, given light sensors were installed... meaning, lights went on ONLY when someone was near. Gee... NO THANKS. I don't want intruders to merely be surprised as they're crawling into my windows. I want them to not even APPROACH the windows. Thus, after just one night of the sensor bit, I called the builder back and said: Sorry. Not gonna to work. I need REAL lights. The kind that I can actually switch on and have them STAY on. As in: NOT THIS HOUSE, BOYS. LET'S BREAK INTO THE HOUSE THAT PITCH BLACK, INSTEAD! So, bingo. The builder installed new lights today and believe you me, I'm thrilled.

On the other hand, I am not so sure the neighbors behind me are quite as thrilled. In fact, I'm thinking that maybe they're about to start a war. Here's the deal: for YEARS there was never anyone or anything living on my property. Which means the neighbors have never had to address any issue whatsoever from flipped out, paranoid people, like myself, living behind them. And, after a week of never ONCE seeing so much as a lit bulb ever, in the house behind me... all of a sudden... tonight their entire back porch is lit up like the Christmas tree at the White House AND Rockefeller Center all rolled into one!! EEKS. Immediately I said to myself: Uh oh. I smell trouble.

Not with the people's lights, of course. For they should only KNOW how tickled pink I am to have additional lighting at no cost. Instead, I smell trouble, because I THINK they may be trying to get back at me. Kinda like: you dare to shine all those damn lights on US? Listen lady... we'll shine them right back at YOU. In fact, we'll be HAPPY to make war with you. Bring in on, baby.

Oh my God... I'm making enemies ALREADY??

Now, maybe I'm imagining all this, and trust me... I damn well hope I am. But just in case the neighbors really ARE ticked at me, I'm definitely working on some sort of defense strategy, here. If I wind up with slashed tires, crazy ass phone calls, or eggs all smashed on my front door, I have NO clue what my options are going to be. All I know is... Genesis speCIFically says: AND GOD SAID LET THERE BE LIGHT. So boom. I'm obeying God. I just hope that the neighbors, too, obey God and DO NOT ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD NOT WANT DONE ONTO YOU. Time shall tell.