NEXT!

I could almost be one of those clerks behind the bakery counter, asking for the next person in line. Really? Why? Well, because now, I'M EXPERIENCED. Get this... the other day was Claudia's surprise birthday party and for the celebration luncheon, I had to pick up and bring two cakes. One, a chocolate, the other, a yellow. As it happened however, I was so busy during the day, that I couldn't get to store until later in the evening. Like, maybe 9:30 or something.

In which case, I was sort of screwed since at that hour, apparently no one is any longer working behind the bakery counter. Translated: there was no one who could write HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAUDIA on the cake, for me. For that matter, there was also no one who could write HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDA, since my girlfriend, Linda, has a birthday tomorrow and I was bringing a cake for her, also. Anyway, I was kinda in a bind. I did NOT want to have to return the next day when all the bakery ladies were indeed there to do the job... so basically, I had to do the next best thing.

I had to BECOME a bakery lady. First, I went to the freezer to select which two cakes I wanted. No easy, feat, by the way. I'm VERY particular. Regardless.... once I selected the cakes I then went behind the counter, looking for those icing bags they have in a zillion colors, and bingo. In no time flat, I spotted them. Then, I grabbed the colors I wanted, with the baby icing (as opposed to the large floral) decorating tips used for writing. Next thing you know, I'M DECORATING THE CAKE. Well, trying to, anyway. You know how easy it is for the folks behind the counter to whip out a snappy Happy Birthday script lickety split?? Well, guess what? IT AIN'T SO EASY.

I'm so telling you... you should have SEEN my work. Oh wait; you can. It's right up there in the picture. I swear... as you can see, my writing bordered on ridiculous. And trust me... I was doing my best! It looked pretty much the way a kindergartner would have done it, actually. And, now that I think of it, if the kindergartner had an OUNCE of real artistic talent, then boom. Theirs would have been WAY better than mine. In the meantime, I did what I had to do, but I must say, it was just SO damn lame. Which I was sorry to see, since after all, I had to in fact, BRING the cakes to the party the next day! Talk about feeling like an idiot. Okay...so that's the bad news.

The good news, however, is: The two cakes TASTED perfectly delicious. Which of course, is the entire purpose of this endeavor. Crappy as they may have LOOKED... at least they were a pleasure to digest. Granted, my particular standards for quality birthday cakes are pretty low, but I do believe they wound up tasting quite decent and/or acceptable. Believe me... the pounds will pile on just as easily, regardless of WHO did the writing. So... mission accomplished. Another year of Claudia's explicit birthday command... a yellow cake with traditional white buttercream icing!