DON'T CALL

As I was doing my yoga session today, I was thinking to myself: No need for anyone to bother calling me since I probably won't answer the phone. Nice thought, huh? But I couldn't help it, since I swear to God... I'm up to my ears in the crapola of watching my father deteriorate. It's just so damn sad and today, I felt as if I'm getting closer to the edge.

Hence, I am in a really piss poor mood. Even my housekeeper could see I was not myself. She felt badly because I am seldom depressed, unhappy or blah. Yet today, I sort of am. Claudia and I started our day by speaking to the Hospice nurse who comes to check on Dad each day. Jesus... talk about a disheartening conversation. Anyway, we then spent most of the day over at Dad's house, going through all his financial papers from 2006, so we can send them out to his accountant in Florida. Our work plan basically started out with Claudia very tense, and having no one else to whom she could vent, she sort of took it out on me. Of course, I put my foot down immediately and had to set her straight, so to speak, and then bingo... we were on our way to getting our task at hand completed.

I feel really badly for Claudia. She too, is up to her eyeballs with nerved responsibilities and heart felt emotion over this whole ordeal. Apparently however, I am able to accept what is, a little easier than she, at the moment. We sort of trade off on this bit, by the way. One day I feel like a mess. The next day she feels like a mess. It makes me chuckle right now, thinking of how often we walk by a mirror and say to each other... MAN, DO I LOOK LIKE S^#T. You can pretty much count on the fact that these are not our favorite days.

Regardless, I think we sort of got things in order. We decided whatever papers the accountant doesn't get, he ain't never going to get. There's just so much effort we can put forth right now. Although, don't get me wrong. We do an amazingly thorough job, but today, neither of us had that extra oomph to go that extra mile. We are dealing with major decisions every damn day and are managing Dad's medical needs as well as his legal and financial needs. I swear... Claudia and I are this far from being experienced enough to tackle the running of a high powered major corporation by now. Although, for Dad we consider this a labor of love. For a fancy corporation, we'd have to charge big bucks. Or at the very least, damn good perks.

Anyway, the bottom line of this particular rant of mine is simple: Don't bother calling me. I can't say I'm too interested in speaking to you. I feel like hell and I look like hell. And for all I know, if I speak to you, I might have to GIVE you hell. Oh... and by the way... don't bother leaving a message. I'm not calling you back. Well, not tonight, anyway.