SO NOT MINE

Oh my God... you should see my feet. Actually, I'd love to show you my feet, given that these in the picture, are SO not mine. They're attached to my legs, yes, but trust me... these are not my feet. Nor my ankles. This is craaaazy. And, distressing, too. I want my REAL feet back! And, SOON!

Here's the deal. First of all, for most of the last month, I've been really sick. Went no where... to no holiday festivities, no shopping, saw hardly anyone and watched more TV in 25 days than I ever saw in probably 25 years. It all started out as a head cold, and for the first time ever, I decided to do what everyone else in the world does. Wait a week for the cold to get better and go away. Uh... big mistake.

Next thing I know, the head cold turned into major sinus and respiratory infection, I guess, so boom. I went to the doctor. BUT... a week later, I was still no better, thus the doctor admitted me to the hospital last weekend, to have all sorts of tests done. In addition, they me gave all sorts of meds, IV, etc., etc. So... get this... once I was discharged, I was supposed to take the meds orally, which I did and only yesterday, did I look down and WHAMO... SAW SOMEONE ELSE'S FEET, ALTOGETHER!! Talk about two for the price of one! Both feet and ankles were so swollen from the meds that I can't even TELL you how stunned I was.

Bear in mind, I have very few enviable body parts. But... if I had to choose just one part of my body that was pretty much okay, my legs and feet would have to be it. Oh... but no more, my friend. NOW, I have lower limbs the size of my kitchen table and it's no pretty sight, I promise. Oh man... this is so unbelievable, I can't stand it. When I spoke to the doctor today, she told me, yes, the swelling should go down in about a week. SHOULD?? HUH?? WHAT ABOUT: DEFINITELY WILL!! If I have to sport these legs and feet for the rest of my life, I'll flip out.

Oh yeah... I'm also supposed to don support hose. Right, like that's ever going to happen. Have you ever SEEN those deals?? You can't even pull them up, given they're so damn tight. Plus, I'm supposed to keep my legs elevated, which I decided is sort of hard, given I have a million things to do, to make up for my lost month, and each and every one of those things demand that I walk around! Which obviously, is surely going to be no easy feat for these poor, unrecognizable feet. Especially considering, I'm now off to do a zillion errands. All of which demand I stand upright. Oh boy... am I ever in trouble. Oh yeah... care to guess how bloated my face and body are at the moment?? Think: MAJOR chubbette.