FEELING TAXED

I sort of operate differently than everyone else in the country. Everyone ELSE does their tax preparation for the April 15th deadline. I always figure, I have until... uh... December 31st, maybe?? Which is why every summer, while the rest of the country is out enjoying fun in the sun, I'm instead, committed to reconciling my checkbook from the entire past year. Talk about a bulls#^t job!

It's crazy, I know. But, given my hate for financial matters, I like ignoring the entire tax deal right up until the very last minute. Consequently, here's how I work it; indeed, I keep a running tab each time I write a check, but I NEVER enter the info into my computer's money software until the summertime. Example: in the summer of 2007, I enter all the transactions that occurred in 2006. And... when doing it, I never do it by myself. I ALWAYS prevail upon someone to sit next to me, reading aloud all the checkbook transactions, which I enter one by one, from all of my four bank accounts.

So what this basically means, is that just TODAY Pat and I finished the 5 day job of entering all my banking info for the year 2006! Hence, I can now FINALLY give my accountant all the data needed for my tax preparations. YIPPEE! ANOTHER YEAR DOWN THE DRAIN. Thank God for small favors. Better yet: YEA! I DON'T HAVE TO ENTER ANYTHING INTO THE COMPUTER UNTIL NEXT SUMMER!!

What REALLY stymies me however, are people who actually prepare their tax form by themSELVES!! For the life of me, I would NEVER sit down with forms from the IRS and be anywhere NEAR able to fill in all the blanks. I consider abilities like that, pretty much on par with mathematical degrees from the Wharton School of Finance. Jesus.. my brain is fried from simply entering numbers into a computer. Can you iMAGine what my brain would be like after preparing a tax return?? Talk about AIN'T NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Besides, NOTHING in the world scares me more than the thought of an IRS audit. Well, actually one thing does... that being, any letter from any attorney's office. Never yet have I EVER had good news from an attorney.

Regardless, today is a day of celebration! I FINISHED COMPILING MY FINANCIAL DATA! Data which ordinarily is enough to make me hurl anyway, but at least I won't have to do this for another year. Halle-f-ing-lujah. Exactly what I'll do to mark this happy occasion, I don't yet know, but if I had to guess, it'll probably have something to do with a mighty fine meal. Of course the meal will be taxed... but at least I won't have to calculate such nonsense for the IRS.