CRAZY COLD

Now that I'm so damn hot, I am suddenly moved to address the cold. Temps, that is. My former husband used to tell me I should contemplate marrying a meteorologist, given I am a such devotee of local weather reports. I wasn't always committed to forecasts; it began only once my now 24 year old son began pre-school. Which now that I think of it, was pretty idiotic, considering I lived in South Florida. How the hell much different could the weather possibly be from day to day?? UH, FOLKS... TODAY IS GOING TO BE HOT. TOMORROW WILL BE EVEN HOTTER. AND THE REST OF THE WEEK... WELL, THEN IT ALL CHANGES OVER TO... what else? OPPRESSIVE! Boom. The forecast is complete.

No mention is even NECessary regarding 3 p.m. thunderstorms. You're going to carpool? Bingo. Bring along storm gear. End of story. Except of course for when the BIG weather event enters the picture. As in: Hurricanes. You can only iMAGine my attentiveness to THOSE forecasts. Jesus. I began popping valium way before the eye even formed! A system left the African coast on Sunday?? Oh... okay. Meds begin on Monday.

In the meantime, I NOW live in a city that actually has four stunning seasons. Oh, how I love it. The summers get hot, but not to worry. After 11 short weeks, autumn (my all time favorite season) kicks in. AND it snows here!! Xmas is no longer a scam. All in all, as you can see, my eye is on weather reports almost non stop. BUT, TONIGHT? Whoa... my eye is REALLY on the lookout.

GET THIS... figuring in the wind chill factor, SINGLE DIGITS!! Are you kidding me?? I live in Vermont?? Geez... it's 8 o'clock right now and already I'm reading 30 degrees. And... winds will be gusting up to 20 mph. Holy Ba Holy. Therefore, evening activities: 1.) Run hot bubble bath 2.) Get out hot chocolate/marshmellows 3.) Light fire 4.) Pray heating system doesn't go on the fritz. Last but not least: GREETINGS FROM THE NORTH POLE.