MEMORABLE DATES

Now HERE'S a picture if ever I've seen one. It makes me laugh. It kinda reminds me of when I was teaching my son to chew with his mouth closed. It also reminds me of a guy I might once have gone out with. Once, being the key word. One meal with a guy of this ilk and boom, I... oops... somehow developed a major headache and had to be rushed home. I have to admit, I've gone out with a lot of different men in my life, beginning with the jerk who asked me to my Confirmation Dance in 10th grade. I didn't really want to go with him at ALL, but my Dad encouraged me, suggesting that while HE may not have been my knight in shining armor, he might have a FRIEND who could be. Seemed sensible enough. So, I went; but as it turns out, I never met any fabulous friend.

Then, there was the guy with whom I once went to Key Largo. I remember sitting in the front seat of his car, looking at him while he drove. It was my first little out of town weekend since my divorce. Bruce was telling me a story of how his father was once at a mall, sitting on a slatted bench, waiting, while his mother was shopping. When his mother finished, she walked over to the hubby and NO sooner had he spied her, than the father GOT up and BOOM! HE SCREAMED IN PAIN. The problem?? The father's testicles got caught in the wooden slats of the bench!!! HE COULDN'T GET THEM OUT, EITHER. Can you IMAGINE?? THIS IS NORMAL??? Huh? The guy never heard of briefs?? He's sitting there with no clue he's "hanging"? Believe you me, I wanted to vomit, just envisioning this entire scenerio. As it happens, the Fire Rescue guys had to be called in to ... get this... saw the bench apart! Jesus. This is SO not the story to tell a prospective weekend getaway date. I promise you... I was, for good reason, SO turned off at the vision of this ordeal that I literally COUNTED the hours until my return home. AND, you can be SURE that the testicles of any son whose father got his own caught in a bench, were a pair I NEVER wanted to view. Nor did I. I was simply WAY too spooked.

On the other hand, most of my dates throughout life were simply fabulous. A month after the Confirmation Dance date, I met the first love of my life with whom I went steady for almost two years during high school. And, two other dates were SO fabulous, that I actually married them. Thankfully, each of these men ate with their mouth closed. And... more importantly... they had no father/bench stories to retell.