AMELIORATE

See that word? Know what it means? I didn't. Well, not literally, anyway. I used contextual clues to figure out what they saying. But... before I looked it up, I sorta liked the word. I love the sound of it. A-MEL-IO-RATE. (by the way, for all you lexicographers out there we say it: a-meal-yo-rate) Plus, I love 4 and/or 5 syllable words, anyway. At first I thought it meant: to diminish trouble. Turns out, it means: to make better, or to improve. Which I guess, in a way, is sort of the same thing.

Anyway, I love people with amazing vocabularies. And hopefully, I understand what they're saying with their million dollar words. Case in point. I would be ever so impressed with someone who, let's say, said to me: My feeling was merely visceral, yet it proves once again, to always pay heed to your inner voice. Me?? Oh, I could express the same thought, alright. But... wanna here how?? Get this... something like: Man, I could just feel it in my gut, so boom. I went with it. Uh... big difference, huh? The OTHER person sounds so filled with intellect. I, on the other hand, sound like a baby doofus.

Given my love for words and ability to express thoughts, perhaps that's why I love crossword puzzles. BUT... don't get me wrong. I would NEVER do the harder than hell puzzles my mother always did. Trust me... I want it to be FUN. Not a second job. So, unlike Mom, I always do the baby, easy as 1-2-3 sort of puzzles. Like, why would I want to waste precious time trying to fill in words I never even heard before? Or have no clue what the F they mean? Besides, anyone who sits with the dictionary next to them, to me... misses the whole point of the puzzle solutions in the first place. We're supposed to KNOW the answers. Not research them.

Thus, I like to read the clue, know the answer right off the bat, and bingo. Write it in. YIPPEE. I'm now on an even playing field. Which I guess is why I would ONLY buy crossword puzzle books whose titles include something along the lines of: EASIEST EVER or BEGINNERS PLUS or 5 MINUTE PUZZLES or even FOR ADVANCED KIDS ONLY. That way, I can be sure that I'll know what the heck I'm doing. Naturally, these are books my Mother would NEVER have considered picking up. To me... the New York Times' puzzle is WAY outta control.

Oh yeah... I also like keeping my puzzle books... where else?... right next to my toilet. Ahem... I mean next to my lavatory. That way, I'm basically killing two birds with one stone. In fact, right now, I have about 5 books there, in my mag stand. This stock should probably last me another couple of years, I'll bet. In fact, in MY bathroom, I have the crossword books... but in the guest bathroom, I keep my Suduko books. Apparently, I like to multitask no matter WHICH bathroom I'm using.

Thus, given this entry, I'd normally end with something like: Like puzzle books? Have a stomach ache? Then, head on over to my bathrooms. I've got just what you need! Yet instead, I'm now thinking I need to end with: To those who are aficionados of mental stimulation, perpetuation of keen word skills or simply passing time deciphering inane alphabetical clues, my personal OR my guest water closet will meet all your needs concurrently and happily! Uh... unless I've run out of toilet paper.