ZERO TO SIXTY

Care to guess what 60 looks like nowadays? Well, guess no more, my friend. There it is, right next to this text. Now, I'm not saying this is a particularly GREAT looking sixty, but regardless, there you have it. I remember my Grandmother being in her sixties... she never made it to her seventies... and man, did she look old. Kinda just like a Grandma should. Only NOW can I appreciate that probably, way back then, she might have looked damn GOOD, for all I know.

I of course have no clue, whether or not she actually CELebrated her 60th birthday, but you can be sure I AM! In fact, the celebration is just days away. I can't wait. In fact, the other day Claudia was over. We were meandering around my kitchen and I remember her asking: YOU GOING TO HAVE A BIRTHDAY CAKE?? I looked at her absolutely stunned... you need to even ASK such a question?? My God... birthday cakes are my all time favorite FOOD GROUP. Of COURSE I'm going to have a cake! Huh? Isn't that even the whole PURpose of a birthday? Forget the company of family and friends. Forget the probable presents. CAKE! THAT'S what it's all about, if you ask me. Oh yeah... that and ice cream! Chocolate, of course.

Do I feel sixty?? Well, uh... yes, actually. My sagging breasts are a lovely reminder. So are my trifocal glasses. My hearing is going downhill pretty fast, and nothing could make me happier than climbing into bed by 9:30 at night. SO not what I used to love. I'd much rather stay put than make travel plans and a delicious dinner can now easily consist of a melted cheese sandwich on pita bread. It goes without saying, I can't remember a damn thing anymore and my pleasure barometer for listening to my kid play his drums, is at an all time low. Oh yeah... and I'm like completely grey and/or white.

On the other hand, I'm the wisest lady on the block by now. I know what I'm all about and I know what I like and what I don't like. I COULD look a whole lot worse I guess, and there's not much you can tell me that would shock me, anymore. I get to pay senior citizen prices at the movies, and I can easily spot total idiots, thus I don't even bother arguing with them... I'm too old to waste my time. I've accumulated a horde of wonderful memories... some pretty spicy ones, too. Bottom Line: YIPPEE. I'm going to be having a great time on my 60th birthday! Who could ask for more?

Besides, if you ask me... I'm thinking, greater things are even yet to come. Case in point: today, I'm going to my girlfriend's beautiful wedding! And she's a decade older than I am! So, who says there isn't a whole lot of livin' yet to do?

I don't know exactly when God means to pull me outta this world, but I so telling you... I hope it's not any time TOO soon. Besides, if it IS sooner rather than later, I'll be kinda pissed. Afterall, how the hell would I know what I'd look like at SEVENTY??