Because you CAN F-ING KILL YOURSELF while trying to get off! That's why!! Right smack off this planet, that is! In no WAY can I envision this as a trick set up for great sex. GEEZ... I KINDA FEEL LIKE DOING IT RIGHT NOW. WAIT... WILL BE SO MUCH BETTER IF I THROW IN A TAD OF ASPHYXIATION. Can you hand me the ropes please??
Man, I can't beLIEVE what David Carradine's family must be going through right now. It's horrible enough to die a senseless death but to die for the thrill of a one time supposedly incredible orgasm? Jesus... couldn't John or Keith have given David a heads up on this practice? No pun intended. I mean really, though... this sexual behavior is WAY off the radar, if you ask me.
This auto asphyxiation deal apparently began way back in the 1600's. The story goes: some guy watching the hanging of men noted that as soon as the head snapped off, boom. Usually an erection occurred and often ejaculation. Enter: WHOA... GOOD IDEA I'M SEEING HERE, GUYS. THINK I'LL GO TRY IT.
Oh... you're welcome, by the way, for that UP TO THE MINUTE EDUCATIONAL UPDATE.
In the meantime, I have no problem with auto and I have no problem with erotica. But, the minute you start bringing ropes into the mix, I get plenty nervous. Besides, I thought silk scarves were the item of choice. Regardless... I also don't have any problem with closets (remind me to tell you about the stunning hotel closet in Chicago one day) but as soon as you add asphyxiation into the fun and frolic... EEEKS. That is SOOOO not my cup of tea. Salt. Pepper. MATCH. Sex. Asphyxiate. NO MATCH. Got it, everyone?? DON'T DO IT. Besides, if you practice sexual behaviors that can kill you, how in the heck are high school kids ever going to be able to brag and/or make up lies for all their friends to hear afterwards??
Okay... as you can see, I'm quite taken with this entire episode of David's. It's mind blowing to me. Not to mention BIZARRE. Is he trying to tell the world that along with all our OTHER sexual paraphernalia, we're now supposed to include ropes?? SO NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. And here I thought genitalia and candles were pushing the envelope.
Anyway, I was so taken with all this, that I immediately called my son. HI THERE! IT'S MOM. I MISS YOU, HONEY! OH, BY THE WAY... YOU KEEP ROPES IN YOUR CLOSET?? Luckily, he was stunned at the question. (I just figured I better get a handle on this crap should he ever consider this a cool idea) Whew. Once I told him this story, he freaked as much as I did. In fact, HE flipped because he decided that for ever 10 normal looking people we see happily, carelessly walking down the street... he's thinking: 2 OF THEM ARE INTO REALLY WEIRD SEX. To which I said: Okay, here's the rule: if ever a woman starts pulling crazy ass tricks out of her sexual scenario bag... bingo! JUMP RIGHT SMACK OUT OF THE BED AND RUN STRAIGHT TO THE COUCH! THE PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH, that is!! He laughed like nuts. I was dead serious.
I guess I just find it all so confusing. Like alright: acceptable experimentation could be fun if that's what you're into, but still... whatever happened to good ole boring standby of he on top, she on bottom, give it some time, yippee it happens, boom, it's over and then... bingo. Decide which one of you is going for the glass of water and/or snack? That scenario is NO WHERE near the level of tying yourself up from neck to privates, almost ensuring possible death. Geez...
Bottom line: Don't get me wrong. I'd kill for great sex. I'd just never die for it. And neither should you. EVER.
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