FUNKY OBESSION

Granted, I have many obsessions. My feet, for example. I really like having them look in tip top, spiffy condition 24/7. Perfectly clean, feminine looking, well pedicured, etc. I'm also obsessed with being sure I never breathe in anyone's germs should they cough and/or sneeze anywhere within a 35 foot radius of me. Traveling on an airplane? You should only SEE what I do to keep myself protected from other people's contaminating airspace. I know... I'm nuts. But today, I had a realization... yet another obsession is taking hold in the Land of Linda. I think I'm ALSO obsessed with mowing my lawn. Well, not the actual act of mowing per se, but with the way it LOOKS when the job is done. I love WATCHING the gardener when he's cutting the grass. Like, I turn into a sort of creepy peeping Tom or something. I'm obsessed with comparing the cut part, VS the uncut part. Yeah, yeah, I know. This sounds pretty racey, but let's try to keep our heads out of the gutter, shall we? Oops. Again, poor choice of words.

In any case, I am particularly intrigued with the clean, well manicured line created by the mower as it goes up and down the lawn. It's like I can't take my eyes off the transformation that takes place. One minute the height of the overgrown grass is unsightly. Boom. The next minute, its as stunning as any botanical garden you've ever seen! As it happens, everyone on my street basically has their lawn cut every week. I'm a cheapo, however so I only have it done every OTHER week. Have any clue how JEALOUS I become on my off week?? Watching all the other lawns on the block transform into this stunning sea of soft green? Oh man... its nuts. Its also pricey. So... the other day I had an idea. Instead of paying the gardener to mow it EVERY week, why don't I just BUY a lawn mower and cut it mySELF on the off weeks?? Oh yeah... I decided I'm doing the front yard only. The backyard is way too big to attempt. My obsessions DO have boundaries, I see. So, at first I was going to check out Lowe's and see about my choices. Uh... like just how DO you buy a lawn mower, anyway? Naturally, I've spoken to several men, asking for advice. I figured what a great birthday present for me! However... I THEN decided hold on. I should really wait until FATHER'S Day and cash in on some fabulous bargain aimed at the mower dept. I SO CAN'T WAIT. Of course, my gardener told me... Hey, don't BUY one. With the money you spend on a lawn mower, you could be having ME do it every week, for pretty much the same cost. Uh... he might be right... a minor glitch to my plans, I see. Not only that, I'd have to store the damn thing in my already crammed to the limit garage. But... I'm not giving up quite yet. I'll have to see what these little deals go for, and then I'll make my decision. Which only means... come this Tuesday, when everyone else's lawn looks spiffy as hell, I'm going to be sitting here watching, my mouth watering and as always, feeling pretty damn jealous. And of course... obsessing over the fact their lawns are gorgeous while mine looks like major crapola. Talk about keeping up the Joneses.