CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

I was driving home from dinner tonight and had an interesting thought. I was thinking: what would happen if I began answering the phone... according to how I was feeling.

Case in point: Let's say I was in a kinda grumpy mood one day. And then, the phone rang. Instead of just saying HELLO, HI THERE... I was thinking how I'd much more prefer saying: HELLO... MOTHER OF ALL BITCHES, HERE. WHY ARE Y0U CALLING ME?? Now THAT outta get someone's attention. And, of course, give them a heads up as to how I'm feeling, right off the bat.

On the other hand, let's say I was feeling a little risque. In THAT case, I'd answer with something along the lines of: HELLO... I'M INTO PLEASURE, TONIGHT. HOW MAY I PLEASE YOU? Eeeks. Wait a minute... that one may not work so hotsi totsi, after all. I might be receiving WAY more phone calls than I'd ever want.

I sort of like the idea, though, of letting the people who call me, know exactly what kind of conversation they may expect of me each time I answer. Let's see... on any one day, I could be feeling: brilliant, in which case I'd be the HOUSE OF EINSTEIN or I could be feeling very tired thus, I'd have to answer, Y A W N... Hi.. am headed to bed, so make it snappy! Can you iMAGine how quickly all my calls would be over lickety split? Unless it was a day during which I felt particularly chummy... and if so, I could answer: HI... I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN GONE WILD... WANT TO GO GRAB A DRINK?

Am so telling you... I bet people would LOVE the fact I'm telling them pretty much what they can expect when they call me. They wouldn't have to second guess at ALL, whether or not it was a good time to ask a favor of me, or whether or not I was ready to resolve a crisis of some sort. Man... I'm definitely onto something, here.

In any case, you sort of get a feel for the kinds of things I'm thinking when driving down the street. Oh yeah... I was coming home from dinner at my favorite Chinese restaurant, by the way. Meaning: maybe they just gave me too much MSG, thus making my brain a bit too buzzed. Thereby making me think up crazy ass ideas. Although, I must say... I love this phone idea, regardless.