GRANNY PANTIES

Ever hear of these?? Supposedly, every woman has at least one pair of Granny Pantie's in her drawer. You know.. the sort of white cotton tightie whitie pantie that is a HUGE, FULL CUT BRIEF, THAT'S WAY HIGH UP ON YOUR WAIST, ABOVE YOUR BELLY BUTTON and covers your ass totally, purposely giving you FULL COVERAGE. So not the type of pantie I like. Nor own. Well, sorta. And certainly, not panties anyone under the age of 30 has ever seen. I mean these are DEFINITELY on the opposite end of the spectrum from sheer, lacey G-strings, thongs, etc. Case in point: you'll never see these on Victoria Secret's runways. Although, they DO carry a style they claim is like a Granny Pantie, but trust me.... am so sure they're not.

As it happens, I can't believe how my figure has changed since I turned 60. In my 40's and 50's I pretty much wore string bikinis particularly because I so hated any sort of extra bulk on my waistline. Then in my late 50's I began wearing some of those hipster type panties, considering I kinda began looking like an idiot in string bikinis. I didn't give up the strings comPLETEly, mind you, but indeed, felt the need to try out the low cut hipster, french cut leg deals. Okay... so guess what. Now that I'm 60? OH MY GOD... I think I now need even MORE coverage. Or at least, coverage in different areas. Or, SOME sort of help, anyway.

Enter: Granny. Well, not REALLY granny, but pretty damn close. I went on a shopping mission recently, feeling the need to update my pantie wardrobe. I have a lot of requirements, too, so the mission was not all that easy to accomplish. I only wear black. I like cotton for the summer months, microfiber for the other nine months and I like the fit not too tight, but certainly not big/baggy. I like a sort of french cut leg and most of all, I like comfy. Well, for most people I guess this is a pretty easy item to buy. For ME?? Uh... not quite.

I went to several stores, bought every possible brand name known to man, brought home every style ever made in the color and fabrics I like, hoping each manufacturer would nail my body shape to a T. Not to mention, my required pattern cut. Don't ask. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. But, I DID come up with several that I considered do-able. Styles that were pretty okay for a lady my age, but thank God, not the totally oldie goldie Granny Look.

I've been wearing them for about a week now, and you know what? I LIKE THEM! My favorites are the 3 pairs of zebra patterned ones. Okay... so they're black with splashes of white, but still... they fit the bill. In the meantime, I stocked up with about 15-18 new pairs maybe and so far, they're doing the trick. In fact, yesterday I spent about an hour organizing my pantie drawers (yes, I have more than one) and now...bingo. I'm ready to don any style, any fabric, any color that I want at a moments' notice. Oh... and in case you're wondering... I must have at least 50 pairs, easily. I uh... don't like to run out, should I feel the need to go a couple of weeks without doing a wash.

My lingerie makes me laugh a bit, by the way, for I just can't WAIT til I kick the bucket one day and Barbara and Claudia have to clear out all my personal belongings. They will SO freak. HUH? WHO THE HELL NEEDS THIS CRAZY ASS AMOUNT OF ITEMS?? Apparently I do. On the other hand, when it comes time to donate everything to Salvation Army or to the nearest women's shelter, I am so telling you... they'll be able to donate a s^#@ load of lingerie for hundreds of women in need. Bikinis AND Granny Panties.

Oh yeah... I particularly can't wait til they find my black garter belt. Or my gold lame' bra. Now THAT'S something I'm sure will give them fodder for discussion for a long time to come. Too bad I won't be around to explain.