GOING APE

The online dictionary states that going ape means: to become wildly excited or enthusiastic. I myself am adding the nuance whereby it connotes not only excitement, but HAPPY excitement, specifically. Which is why I am SOOO not going ape. Instead, I'm going ape s**t. And believe you me, that's a whole DIFFERENT story altogether. THAT word, the online dictionary defines as: to become agitated, upset, or enraged. In other words... FLIPPED FREAKIN' OUT.

Which is exactly how I've felt the past two hours. I've been subjected to such horror and panic while watching televsion that my heart is STILL pounding, as we speak. And, there's another hour yet to go which naturally, I won't be seeing.

What, you ask, has elicited such fear in me? The one movie I was dying to catch on HBO. THAT'S what. And now that I've caught it, get this... I thought I WOULD to die while watching it. Gee. Thanks, Hollywood.

There I was, all settled in, happily knitting a scarf for a special friend. I zipped through the channels, and lo and behold... what should JUST be starting, but... yippee! KING KONG! The movie I couldn't wait to see! Yup... this had all the makings of a fabulous way to spend a cozy couple of hours.

Jesus. What a fool I was. I had NO clue this version of King Kong wanted to tear your heart out. While the King Kong film of days gone by was actually kind of fun to watch, THIS one was fun to watch only if you consider terror and fear a good thing. I, of course, do not. In this new version, there are MAjor wild beasts, WAY uncivilizied tribes of people, voo-doo up the kazoo and all KINDS of crazy ass creatures. Kinda like Jurassic Park, but with pygmie type dregs of society inflicting unimaginable chaos while behaving comPLETly outta control. And, for your viewing pleasure, this tribal/beast madness goes on for at least an hour. WHAT?? THIS IS A MOVIE?? ARE THEY NUTS??

I swear to God... after investing two hours, I simply had to say ADIOS, PANDEMONIUM. Thanks, but no thanks. I was actually at a place where I had to truly protect myself since it WAS almost bedtime; and I sort of like going to bed withOUT the fear of nightmares. Which was too bad. I really would have liked to know what happened after all the people were eatten alive. Did the ape ever see New York? Did he develop a thing for the starlet? Did guy ever get to ... which is the main theme of the movie... make his film?

Alas, I'll apparently never know. But, I do know this. If you choose to watch this movie, grab your popcorn... AND your valium. You'll need it.